Canada, eh?

2008-07-21T22:01:00.003+01:00

Monsters-in-Training

There are some people in this world of ours who should not be allowed to reproduce. Actually, scratch 'some' and replace with 'substantial amount'. Yesterday some friends and I went to Fota Wildlife Park, just outside Cork city. The place was swarming with little snotty nosed, screaming, melted ice cream toting, sticky handed children. Some were adorable little cherub faced wonders, tottering around like mini Buddahs, whereas others convinced me the devil is well and truly alive. Children were running around trying to pull feathers from the male peacocks, other little monsters were throwing Coca Cola at monkeys while a few terrors tried to stick their fingers through the wire fence into the cheetah compound. Truth be told I prayed to all the Gods that one of the little rotters would feel the wrath of wild cat teeth.. however it was not to be.

I was annoyed at all the loose cannon kids running riot but was disgusted by the attitude of their parents- My ears tired of hearing the words, " Benjamin, TRY not to throw drinks at the monkey", "Emilia TRY not to run after the bird", "Adolfus TRY not throw your ice cream at the passing strangers". I may not have kids but I damn well know that there isn't a single kid in the world that will TRY to do the 'right' thing when they are four years old and loaded up on sugar. They are mini destruction balls. Yet some parents were eager not to put the brakes on their hideous displays of mayhem instead enouraging or ignoring their discovery of nature in all its frgailitiy. Sure, the monsters tampered with the flora and fauna of a unique park and sure they threw objects and food at innocent animals, but it appears I was unaware that the little Benjamin's, Emilia's and Adolfus' were learning to 'discover', and so what if their filthy little hands added in the downfall of an eco-system.

Other than the Attack of the Under Fives, the day at the park was great! I went there with a few friends, they brought a picnic, we had a cake, I got chased by a wasp. It was great! The being chased by a wasp was not so great as it involved frantic running and random swatting... I may have taken out one of the above child monsters with my swatting. Every war has its victims.

2008-07-19T16:02:00.002+01:00

Popcorn and ABBA and songs, oh my.

I have a popcorn shell stuck in my tonsils. It's like a mini person is in my throat, repeatedly stabbing my tonsil. I have tried coughing, drinking tea, water, fizzy drinks, dry bread, cornflakes, toothpaste and Listerine but nothing will move the shell. It got lodged last night while watching Mamma Mia- it completely ruined my singing abilities. I could only croak out a few bars of Mamma Mia, Waterloo and Dancing Queen.

The movie itself was fun! The script was awful, the overacting shocking, Meryl Streep can't hold a note, Pierce Brosnan should reserve high octane singing for the shower and Colin Firth needs to find a new niche other than 'reserved Englishman'. But, it was still a great movie- completely camp and OTT.

The drive home from the cinema was equally fun. We located Abba Gold in the glove box, rolled it on, turned up the volume and roared out as many songs as we could. I roared as much as possible considering I had a popcorn shell lodged in my throat. It's an affliction at this stage.

I am supposed to be going to a club tonight called "Sophisticated Boom Boom". I have looked up the web page for it and I don't understand it. A friend of mine does belly and Bollywood dancing and she told me her troupe is putting on a show along with other dancers..... yet it's a club night. I'm not sure how this is going to work. There will also be cake at this club.... yes we all get a slice of cake. See?? This gets stranger and stranger.

2008-07-14T23:35:00.003+01:00

Mamma Mia

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

I think I might pee my pants. Mamma Mia is in glorious technicolour with Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan! Who knows if they can sing? Who cares? I shall sing for them until cinema security threatens me!

This is my internal jukebox on the big screen. I am forever humming something from Gold, interspersed with my own personal take on the lyrics. I love Abba. A Christmas party is not complete without a rousing rendition of 'Waterloo', 'Knowing me Knowing You' remains one of my all time favourite songs and who can forget student clubs playing "Gimme Gimme...A Man After Midnight", ( a particular favourite of the single ladies, with the lyrics roared into the ear of any unfortunate young man that happened to get in their line of vision).

A house party was not a house party without someone distracting the music junkie away from the cd player which was invariably playing some coma inducing Bob Dylan, ( yeah yeah I know, I don't appreciate 'music'), throwing said Dylan CD out the window and replacing with Abba Gold! A random punter was placed on sentry duty only allowing women covered in glitter and feathers or a fabulously gay friend to press the 'Play all' and 'Repeat' buttons.

Magic!!

2008-07-14T22:43:00.002+01:00

Ta Dah!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I am back. My immigration papers have been completed so I now have hours upon hours of free time each and every evening for the forseeable future, therefore, I need something to occupy my time. What better way than to give out about something on the world wide web. Also, my one man PR team, Ian, showed my blog to someone over the weekend. She read it, stroked my ego, thus compelling to write something. I like to ramble about things so I think I'll be able to come up with something.

Take for example this evening- my word I nearly gave myself an anurism. Each evening I like to huff and puff my way along the banks of the Lee river in Cork. The banks are beautiful, huge fields, full of dogs chasing balls and children, other children in canoes doing their best not to drown, old people with dodgy hips, the young and fabulous sprinting with ne'er a drop of sweat on their tanned brows and then there is me. During my time in Canada I became a vegetable. I sat on my backside letting my roots grow further into the sofa, all the while, demanding regular feedings. The educated among you will know that consistent cheese eating combined with a lack of movement does not do wonders for the posterior, so once back in the Emerald Isle I decided to get out and get active, but not before racking up euros on my debit card. There was no way I was running in public without looking like I was trying out for the Olympic Track &Field team, so I took myself into Cork's finest sporting store and demanded apparel befitting a woman on a fitness mission. I got myself gel shoes that make me spring like a spaniel, trainer pants that are THE latest in high tech non -sweat- getting- anywhere- near- your- skin, and an aerodynamic top that a NASA nerd probably invented. That's what I think and I shall not be deterred.

I had the look and that was pretty much it.

I decided to venture to the riverbanks at non peak hours... so large masses of people wouldn't be tempted to call for an emergency ambulance armed with oxygen. It was awful.. awful awful. I looked like a bruised and battered tomato for days on end and started to get sympathetic nods from the elderly walkers. The hardcore sprinters nearly tailspun me into the river such was the speed they passed me with. But that was then. Now I can more or less keep going without wanting to throw up on one of the passing ducks. Dogs have also stopped chasing me which makes for a welcome change.

So, everything was going well UNTIL THE UNIVERSITY YEAR ENDED AND THE CITY WAS SWARMED WITH OTHER PEOPLE! Each year in Cork, the university runs summer courses for foreign students. The city is invaded with the screams and shrills of rowdy, hormonal, deafening Spanish and Portuguese teenagers. Fortunately, these kids are so busy trying to impress some spotty member of the opposite sex they have no interest in maintaining any level of fitness. However, there are other courses run at the university- for American undergrad students. I am sure they are lovely people when you sit them down for a chat and a bottle of wine but when they are pounding the pavement, MY pavement they are thoroughly and utterly awful.

This evening I was jogging towards the canoe jetty along the rather narrow public path. At most, on the path, two people can pass without dislocating each others shoulders. Anyway, I spotted three, shall we say, rotund, Americans, coming at a sedate pace towards me, all three running abreast. Now, general path and running etiquette in any part of the world is to reduce the three legged lassies to a single mountain range and allow oncoming runners to pass. You WOULD THINK! No no no no no no, they refused to do so. I got in a bit of a snot and refused to move so kept on drilling ahead like a heat sensing torpedo, ( well not that fast, but the description adds a certain something). As I approached the trio they refused to move so I stopped and they stopped and, wait for it, wait for it, I got this from one of the muppets,

"Aaaahh we were , like, here first".

No, I did not have some witty retort, or dirty look to throw them.

And for that I will never forgive myself. My brain failed to react in time.

2008-01-15T22:38:00.001Z

Writing a blog should not be a chore, but a chore is what it has become for me. So much of my week is devoted to commuting and office work that typing frequent entries has become difficult due to restricted free time post work. While living in Asia, life had a more interesting twist- everyday saw something new happen- a quirky little incident with the language, a funny cultural observation or a new adventure to a different country. These days, my focus has shifted to my career and, as much as I would love to, for the respect of the instuitution I work for and the people I work with I am not able to regale you with the hilarious workplace activites I experience everyday. I could talk at length about Ian and I but that is not something I wish to do via the world web. Instead my blog entries from now on will be limited, ( much like over the last few months) and will be more of a sysnopsis of events for friends and family in Ireland and other parts of the world.

Have a wonderful New Year and here's hoping 2008 will be just as good. Everything appears to be on par for Ian and I as we had our annual New Year's Argument- always a healthy indicator for us.

Enjoy- I will return with a birthday post around February 4th

*Hint Hint*

2008-01-10T01:20:00.001Z

And the winner is ....

I have found a train service that can out do Iarnrod Eireann for late train excuses. Ireland may have the "leaves on the track" phenomenon, but Ontario has "chain link fence" on the track. I think we have a winner!

2008-01-10T01:14:00.000Z

Useless Fact # 0001

The surname "Gill" is not exclusive to Ireland and the United Kingdom. It is also a Sikh family name.

2008-01-10T00:46:00.000Z

Christmas

I watched a girl this morning fill in application forms to join a gym. Filling in the forms was the workout. I have never ever seen so many pages demanding detailed personal information. I am quite sure there was even a question relating to daily excretions.

Anyway, Happy New Year to one and all. I am a mere ten days off target. Hurrah. I hope, too, that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and managed to avoid downing an entire box of Quality Street for the sake of it. Christmas was a wonderful affair here in Canadia.. no typo there. Maebh and I think it is HILARIOUS to say Canadia instead of Canada. There isn't any rational explanation. We just got a kick out of watching Canadians that we knew in Korea very patiently explain the difference between Canada and America, duly ignore them, and continue to reference their home country as Canadia. Fnar Fnar.

Seeing as I am pressed for time I shall revert to the old favourite- bullet points

Christmas Eve

Not a lot to say here other than I lost Ian and assorted family members to a Christmas Eve jigsaw puzzle. He and his relatives decided to assemble pieces of an aeroplane flying over water. Imagine how many blue pieces there were in teeny tiny ant friendly sized pieces. I was tempted to pull a Homer J. and whip out a scissors to cut pieces to size, but instead I soldiered on and managed to force about ten pieces together before I lost interest and abandoned puzzle for the basement. The Attack of the Nerds continued to keep going and I was ever so impressed with their end result. At four in the morning.

Christmas Day

Ian's sister made us get up before 9am. Getting up before 9am is exclusively reserved for work days. However her persistent hammering on the door wore us down and forced us down to the living room. To say there were a few gifts under the tree would be an understatement. There were a lot. My disgust with getting up early soon faded what with clearing the contents of my stocking and making my Scooby Doo toy sing Jingle Bells over and over and over again. Present opening took the best part of the morning so I can see Sarah's rational in getting us up early. I got some super gifts with some of the stand out ones being a magnificent special edition of the Kite Runner , my cherished Gap gift card, my very own edition of Cranium and seasons of Sex and the City and Frasier.

Food

Christmas Day food was excellent- Eggs Benedict, turkey with all the trimmings, including Brussels Sprouts, ( much to the horror of Ian), and Uncle Don's brownies. I would like to make an official apology to the King family for not leaving them any brownies. People, you snooze you loose.

Games

Three words- Cranium is awesome.

'Nuff said.

And I am done with typing. I am sick and tired of typing and I am very tempted to invest in that speaker Dictaphone thing that can be hooked to your PC and automatically types what you say. Of course I don't think my work colleagues would appreciate me roaring instructions at a computer screen day in day out. Sans my inside voice.

2008-01-03T02:16:00.000Z

From the mouth of a 17 year old

"I soooo want a salad. I want a Caesar salad. Do you think an Italian restaurant would have that salad? Or was it made by Romans".

Wow. I'm pretty sure Mr J. Caesar took some time out from building his mighty Empire to whip up a salad. With croutons.

Anyway, an extreme cold weather warning has been issued for Toronto. Tomorrow should see -20. Chilly. Today, with the wind chill it was -23...... I learned a lot walking from the subway to the office. Wearing tights and a skirt does NOT stop cold burn. And my ears don't react well to cold. And I think I got brain freeze.

I STILL have to get cracking on my Christmas/New Year recap, but there is just so much to describe that I am having a few problems getting me to sit down, focus and type. Expect it to turn up around this time next year.

2007-12-31T04:16:00.000Z

Not enough time in the day

There is a detailed, second by second account of Christmas in the works. Unfortunately, I have not had the luxury of lying around on the living room floor stuffing myself with chocolates, conjuring fun blog sentence structuring, as I have been indulging in that fun activity called, "work". I had Christmas Day and Boxing Day off, but it was back to the grindstone on the 27th. Nevertheless, I managed to pack a veritable medley of fun activities into those two days which I will elaborate on over the course of the coming week. Tomorrow evening Ian and I are going to a New Year's Part being hosted by some friends. I am very excited... almost Christmas Eve levels of excitement.

Also, I have become far far too domesticated. This evening I purposely went to the drug store to stock up on Christmas cards for NEXT CHRISTMAS BECAUSE THEY WERE ON SALE! I used to make fun people who did that kind of thing, now, I think such advanced planning is genius.

Speaking of genius, Ian is watching a show on TV called Jesus Camp. It brings a whole new level of 'shocking' to TV. It is horrific to think this sort of conduct is permitted in modern America.

2007-12-23T22:13:00.001Z

So last weekend I was Christmas shopping at a local mall. I flitted from store to store offloading all that unnecessary cash in my account to money grabbing retailers having a merry ol' time. My merry feeling was a little bruised by the lack of Christmas cheer displayed by store staff. Here, in mucho liberal Canada, it is frowned upon for people to wish strangers a "Merry Christmas"for fear of offending non Christians. Store staff are expected not to say anything but if they must it can only be along the lines of "Happy Holidays. Give me a break. This is PC thinking taken that one step too far. So what if non Christians don't like it- they still indulge in the commercialism of Christmas, don't they? They still take 'Christmas' vacation, don't they? It angers me that the powers that be succumbed to the whims of some non Christians simply to appease ludicrous mob mentality. I could go on and on about this one, but for the sake of my blood pressure I shall close the lid on this one and yell Merry Christmas at whomever I wish.

Pah.

Ian and I had our Christmas date last night. We went to a little bistro in the town run by a Frenchman from Nice and his Quebec City wife. What a phenomenal gastronomic experience it was. I was very surprised at how tasty rabbit liver mousse and bison were. We were provided with a delightful 2003 French red that was the perfect perfect match for our main course ( Bison for Ian and Angus Striploin pour moi). The owners are wonderful and very quirky with that wonderful expressive body language only the French possess. Each utterance from la femme was melded with dramatic hand movements, exaggerated head bobbing and that particular 'bof' sound the French people have perfected. What a perfect start to the Christmas season. ( Note I typed Christmas and not any of that pc mumbo jumbo).

Sadly Ian and I have to work tomorrow, but hopefully for only a few hours and then it is back home and over to the Kings to indulge in some Christmas cheer. I am very excited for gifts, time off work and food. I expect I will be found passed out in a pile of turkey, rum balls and gift wrap. Turkey OD is a serious condition.

I saw a ridiculous sign at one of the local gyms yesterday. This particular place has one of those old style cinema signs ( the ones with removable letters in black with a a white background). The person in charge of advertising was evidently sick the day punctuation was being done in class. The sign read

"Give the gift of health free spa"

Methinks there should have been a member of the puncutation family resident between the words health and free. Still it made me laugh.

2007-12-17T02:42:00.000Z

Storm Day

Today we had the first snow storm of the season and I must say it was quite spectacular.... what with watching it from the comfort of my nice warm living room. I have charted the day's events below. Prepare for a thrilling read....

So below we see the tree that I spent the first half of the morning admiring, (the second half of my morning was spent deciding between thickening and moisturizing shampoo.. for those of you that care, I went with moisturizing and I do regret my decision). Note all the gifts under tree. All wrapped with love by me. Ian has an aversion to wrapping gifts, but not to opening them. I posted a picture with the top of the tree missing. I did have many other pictures with tree top evident but who knew "Del" areally did mean Delete.

When the stresses of tree gazing and decision making started to take their toll I chose to gaze at the antique decorations we have on the tree. The bauble below, is very beautiful and came from East Germany.. that should give an indication as to how old it is.

After such an historical bauble I felt I needed some comedic relief in my day and had a little giggle at the decoration that Ian made when he was in Grade One. Aww. Admire this one as quickly as you can, as when Ian discovers I posted this on the world wide web, I imagine he will have a little petition drafted demanding its removal.

And then the storm came. I had an invigorating hour watching the snow plough guys.

Once the snow was scrapped I ventured outside to see the damage. This pictures demonstrates just how much snow fell. The path leads from the car park to the back door of the apartment block. Impressive levels of snow. What, ho, old chap.

This is a pristine, untouched blanket of snow which was destroyed by me moments after taking this picture. There is nothing as satisfying as breaking fresh snow with a body jump.

My boot print- if you look closely at the snow it looks like snow is quite the glitter fan what with all the sparkles. Of course there is a scientific explanation for the whole thing. My memory fails me at the moment, however.

The storm brought with it snow, in the common sense of the word, and 'blowing snow'. I like the patterns left by the wind whipping up the flakes... sort of a snowy attempt at Saharan winds.

Yeah, I know, wow. Best part? I jumped into all of it afterwards. Point of note..snow LOOKS soft. It is anything but.

I did of course pause to admire the beauty of a silent night.

And then the snow came back and Bambi got lost.

2007-12-13T00:46:00.000Z

Game on

On Sunday Ian and I went to a Toronto Raptors game ( of the basketball variety). To be honest I wasn't all that excited at the prospect of watching ten guys throw a ball around a sprung floor for a few hours so I was pleasantly surprised when I found myself on my feet, cheering and screaming for the Raptors. I also watched a living sporting legend take to the court in the form of the Houston Rocket's Yao Ming. Is that guy ever tall- all 7' 6" of him. However, due to his height, he looks rather clumsy loping from one basket to the other. The most entertaining aspect of the whole evening came in the form of a man dressed in a costume. Let me explain- most, if not all, basketball teams in the NBA have a team mascot, and for the Raptors it is a guy dressed in a red Raptor suit. However, this mascot has taken the costume one step further by now sporting an inflatable costume complete with giant head and little arms making him look like a Lilliputian with an unusually oversized 'tete'. There are numerous videos on You Tube of this little critter doing his dance moves, tumbles and comedic acts. They are hilarious! He comes on court during breaks in play and half time. Sporting events in North America are very very different to those in Europe. They are considered a huge day out for friends and family and while crowd participation is encouraged, the crowd isn't as frantic as at a Premier League football game. Instead during half time people are asked to come from their seats to court to take part in games with an emphasis placed on children participating. The whole ambiance of the game is intended to make the game as comfortable as possible. There are ushers to guide you to your seats, soft seats to sit on, numerous food vendors and if you are lucky to sit in the good seats (as Ian and I once did), a menu is provided for you to select your goodies and an assigned usher brings them to you! Also, music is constantly playing so I get to sing along! The people sitting beside us must have been very happy to hear me warble out the lyrics of Kanye West's, "Stronger". A world apart from the plastic seats of GAA games. Anyhoo, the Raptors won the game and no one was quite as content as me. I may have become a fan and have become a little more receptive to Ian watching every single one of their games on TV... in case you hadn't realised, I happen to be dating a die hard Raptors fan. While the basketball was enormous fun my one goal for the coming year is to finally see the Toronto Maple Leaf's play on ice. Getting one of these hockey tickets is akin to winning one of Willy Wonka's limited chocolate factory tours- basically impossible. However, I am undeterred in my quest.

I have to award a great big round of applause to those running the Distillery District in Toronto. As the name suggests it was once a haven for liquor production but now houses art galleries, select bars and a yummy chocolatier. During the festive season the bars host many corporate Christmas events, so during the run up to the season the District is providing free rides home after a night of celebratory drinking. I am so happy to hear that someone has taken this step and is providing an alternative to drink driving. It is only taking effect on certain dates but, no matter what, it is a very positive step and something I highly commend.

2007-12-06T03:04:00.000Z

Marks and Spencer, come back to Canada. All is forgiven. What is Christmas without your overpriced finger foods that are to die for and bottled mulled wine.

Come back... I am begging.

2007-12-04T01:32:00.000Z

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.

Christmas shopping is GO! However, Ian and I have encountered a little problem- we are magpies in human form. Every single store we go to we are instantly drawn to the Christmas decoration section. It's unbelievable. We have absolutely no self control whatsoever. Like two high stoners we clutch each sparkly bauble oohing and aahing, covering ourselves in tinsel and turning on ALL the singing Christmas toys and hosting our own caroling event in Aisle 26 of Canadian Tire. I give store staff one more weekend before they start pining our pictures at checkouts reading "Beware- Christmas Toy Abusers".

Wal-Mart has gone 24 hour. It's great. The aisles are deserted. We went there on Saturday night at 11pm and were able to turn on all the toys with buttons saying "Try Me".. well ok, then.

2007-12-04T00:57:00.001Z

Winter... brr.

So here are a few pictures to prove how delightful Canada is in Winter. These were taken after a few hours of snow, a night of freezing rain, a freeze, a little more snow and then a giant dump of snow. It looks very very pretty, but dear Lord in Heaven, it is hell to walk on. Hence the giant black boots. They are my snow boots and the most cherished item I will possess this Winter. No one is coming between me and them. I went for a trample in the snow to test how waterproof they are, and the verdict is "Success". I would take a few more pictures but the locals are giving me weird looks as it is. Obviously they haven't met someone that is in complete and utter awe of snow. Once the snow plough guy and his salting mate get here I'll get a few pictures of them. It's fun watching them plough the drive like possessed demons, oblivious to the giant kerb they are about to run into and watch their little heads wobble like Bobble Head Men on impact. It doesn't deter them.. it's as if the kerb is a mountain they have to scale.

The photos I have provided aren't very clear... it's frickin' freezing outside. Be grateful for what I managed to achieve.

Below is the view from the balcony

And another..can you see the reindeer on the 'lawn'?!

Mighty Boots.

Purty.

2007-11-29T00:15:00.000Z

I can we can safely assume that Winter has arrived here in Canada. Last Thursday I got to partake in the joy of standing on a commuter train platform in minus seven Celsius complete with freezing rain. Now, I like the cold, I really do- it gives one that "refreshed" sensation after mere seconds, but this was like nothing I had ever experienced. The problem may have been more to do with the fact that the train was 40 minutes late and that minus seven started to feel more like minus death, that the freezing rain was harshly exfoliating my face and that my hands would have successfully frozen a packet of peas in minutes with my feet providing back up. That said, I love it. Dreams of Winter get me through summer. I think summer is some sort of a trial for the afterlife along of the lines of "Can you take the heat?". Well, I can't, so, based on my theory, I cannot take the heat, therefore I cannot 'take' hell, leading me to assume I get first dibs at the pearly gates. Once inside the gates, it is white and fluffy much like snow which indicates I would be quite at home there. It's pretty obvious really.

This is the most disgusting thing I have come across in recent times. I cannot think of anything less appealing to the taste buds or more likely to induce a cardiac arrest after a few shovels. Plus it has corn. That's what parents should threaten their kids with if they don't eat their greens- corn... and from a tin, as that is the vile stuff.

2007-11-20T03:10:00.001Z

Atchoo

I think I may be getting a little sniffle. My head and nose hurt and my eyes are starting to stream. This is bad news for Ian. I am a terrible patient. My idea of being a patient involves me lying on the sofa watching some trash TV, ringing my little ceramic bell to summon Ian for yet another demand while getting a sugary high off "Lemsip". I am rarely sick... as in I tend to only suffer at the claws of a virus maybe once a year, but that once off event makes up for all the other times I could have been sick. I doubt I will be forced to miss work simply due to the fact that afternoon TV is rubbish and I have watched all the DVD's we own.

Today I had a meeting near a large shopping mall in Toronto- the Yorkdale Mall
Now, don't get me wrong, it's a great mall- lots of stores, variety and comfortable surroundings. (Let's just forget for a moment that me and one of the girls from work got lost going to the meeting... NOTHING to do with us staring in all the store windows and missing our location... no. Not that it was essential for us to walk through the mall). However, after my meeting I decided to have a browse around some of the stores. Note browse. I did not get to do much browsing as I was faced with some of the most annoying floor staff of all time. The first store I went to I was greeted with "Welcome to xxxxx. We have a special on .xxx. Get xxx for xxx dollars". I chose to ignore the cretin yelling in my direction. Not to be deterred the cretin actually came after to me to repeat the above blurb. There are times when I wish I had laser eyes. I could rid the world of such ridiculous drains on our global energy- it takes a lot of hamsters to get the wheel of stupidity going. In the next store some bimbo stalked me around the store. I finally asked HER if I could help her. In the third store, the assistant was walking so close to me that when I turned around I actually smacked into her. In the Body Shop, the tip of my shoe wasn't even over the threshold before i got "Welcome to the Body Shop, today we have a special on blah blah blah". The rest of my shoe never made it into the store. Whatever happened to the simple act of just wandering around stores, looking at things you can't afford, spraying yourself with every perfume in the store or just trying things on for the hell of it? Such is the drive to sell, profit and outdo competitors, that store workers are now akin to the hated door-to-door salesman. They are pushy, intrusive and obnoxious, but dare to make them work for their commission and you are met with the real person. There have been times here when I have been in a changing room and need another size. I have asked the person that trailed me for 15 minutes to get me an alternative size and I have been met with the look a precocious child gives its weary mother when told to behave. However, forget their recent bad media run of late, "The Gap" gets a a gold star for its store staff- professional, unobtrusive, friendly and "line intelligent" ( as in they know what is hanging where and what it is supposed to look like on you).

I do miss the Irish approach to selling anything in a store. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Although there is one GLARING difference between stores here and Ireland. Irish stores have a security guard at their doors. All of them regardless of size. Here, nothing. The malls have their own security teams, but the stores don't. Guaranteed the cousins will be over within the week of some five finger discounts..

I jest I jest. About my cousins. Not the security guard. Although security guard should be taken with a pinch of salt. It's not like these guys could ever stop a break in. They'd probably break out in a hive attack under any form of pressure.

And to think Christmas shopping is a weekend or two away! I shall be going armed with my best snotty face.

2007-11-15T03:50:00.001Z

Lady, comin' through.

This morning I was walking from the subway to the escalator at my stop. There are always throngs of people at this particular location due to large numbers of schools and offices in the area. There are always a few 'louts' present, dressed in school uniform, with no intention of actually making it to class. Anyway, as usual, there was the everyday jostling of people rushing to be first up the escalator. I, without any knowledge, walked between two school boys, no more than 13 years of age. I apolgised to the kid I bumped into to which he retorted, "Hey f*** you, lady". He got a dig of my oversized bag and a filthy look and I may have placed a curse upon him. It just warms the cockles of my heart knowing this is what Canada is nuturing to be its future.

However, it was very nice to come home from work on Tuesday evening to see that our apartment building has been decorated with lights, Christmas tree and candy can wrapping around the street lights. It is very pretty. It has now fueled Ian to get lights on our balcony. Some of you have heard tales of Ian's love of overdecorating ( read- extreme tinsel adoration), so I intriuged as to how he is going about Operation Christmas Balcony. It's going to turn into all out apartment lighting warfare.

We got a new TV this week. We are quite the happy campers. It's fandiddlyiastic.

2007-11-07T02:50:00.000Z

Winter

It's so depressing. The stupid clocks went back on hour. I am now getting home in the dark. Pitch black. Only headlights to guide the way. Cold. Rain. Sleet. Snow. And I don't have my Winter coat yet.

That said I am delighted that the heat of summer is gone. I hope it gets lost on its return journey next May.

2007-11-03T04:26:00.000Z

Summary of past few weeks events

The 'rents (to quote the 12 year old gangs of children that gather on the subway day in day out to spend Daddy's money in the Gap) came to visit
Took the brother to Niagara where the volumes of 19 year old Americans in bars baffled me. How desperate are they for a beer that they drive across the border every Saturday and then stumble back across it the next day. Welcome Adolescent Americans.
Managed to fit in the Falls- wow. Nice to see them in plus 18 degrees as opposed to minus 18. Took the Maid of the Mist. That wiped all cobwebs off me. The water proof clothing provided ( read; ginormous plastic bag) was rather ineffective in the gale force winds resulting in me getting a free shower from the Falls. I should have brought my Herbal Essences with me. I was, however, quite the happy camper when one of the gazillion seagulls didn't poop on me
Parents toured around Toronto and then motored on up to the Nation's Capital... Ottawa, people! I believe they enjoyed themselves there, and really, who wouldn't.
Had a fantastic meal at a restaurant called .... neh I can't remember what it was called. King Street West, Toronto if you are in the area. Look for the dark, velvetesque joint. Super food and wonderful, incredible non annoying service from staff. None of that "Hi my name is Kyle and I'm super and really want to serve you and today's special is something the chef plucked from yesterday's garbage can". Instead it was professional and subtle.
I carved my very first pumpkin with Ian's family. Ian and his Dad created artistic wonders. Mine looks like a simple first grader was let loose with a blunt knife and told to create something that resembled, ( in that odd Picasso fashion) a quirky face. Carving pumpkins is a rather messy endeavour. I am still finding seeds in the carpet.
Seeing as it was Halloween, costumes were the talk of the town. Canadians are quite passionate about dressing up and put quite the hefty effort into them. None of that buying a witches hat from Pound City ( which is more than likely highly flammable, but, you rest in hope that the fake hair attached to said hat will tame the flames). One of Sarah's friends decided to go as a penis and she decided to construct the appendage in our kitchen. I have not seen photographic proof of the end result but there was a lampshade, a lot of flesh coloured spray paint and countless black wigs involved. I know there were many wigs due to the volumes of black fake hair I keep finding in the kitchen. I am intrigued as to how hair ended up IN the microwave.
I decided to go as a Deviled Egg. Anyone from Europe should not even bother reading this paragraph as they won't know what I am talking about. However, props to Mr. King for spray painting my sheet yellow and red and zero props to the wagon in Zellers who tried to charge me $35 for a single white sheet. That is one person off my Christmas list- the cashier, that is, not Mr. King.
Ian decided to secure his Dork status by partaking in a basketball fantasy league over the weekend. This was not just any league. It was a super league. People travelled from Ottawa and other far flung hamlets to take part in their draft that was held in downtown Toronto. The event was complete with bingo drum, laptops, deal room, enough beer to guarantee they all made ridiculous picks, and just a hint of paranoia- enough to make them all doubt themselves, doubt their draft opponents, doubt their players abilities but leaving them in no doubt that they were verging on nerd status.
Work is going well. I am being awarded more responsibility- expect to hear about a seismic crash in the Canadian banking industry in the coming weeks.
My commutes have been uneventful. That, or I am becoming immune to the pushing, shoving and stomping. Although, if I take a moment to reflect, I am the one inflicting bruises and broken limbs these days. I was quite proud of myself today. I stepped off the subway at 5.11 pm and managed to sprint through the thousands of people to make it onto the 5.13 train. Eileen fights back.
To pass the time on the train I am reading lots of books. I lie. I am not reading lots of books. I am carrying lots of reading material but I am indulging in far too much people STARING. Not gazing, staring. The same people get on the same carriage and sit on the same seats every day. I make up background bios about all of them ( its a BORING JOURNEY) to while the minutes away. I had one guy pegged as a vodka swilling, crazed, demented, Russian spy. I was disgusted when he answered his Blackberry in Italian. That squashed that story. I was also wrong about the woman I thought was one of those high powered man eating terrifying fabulously well dressed lawyers. She is in fact a nurses assistant. With really amazing clothes.
For those of you that know me, you will know that I have a very short fuse and tend to explode emotionally over the tiniest of incidents- take for example Ian and his insistence on creating a sock grotto on the bedroom floor. If my blood pressure is high, it is because of those blasted socks. Anyway, I went for lunch with one of the girls from work. She is an increible nice sweet girl with lots of positive things to say about everyone. While we were eating we got to talking about people and their emotions. She turned to me and said, "I could never imagine you being angry with anyone ever. You are always so nice to everyone". This PROVES I am schizophrenic.
For the Europeans reading I will offer a little insight into how popular trick-or-treating is here. In the lead up to Halloween night all I saw were people going to stores to stock up on bags and bags and bags of "candy" and chocolate and then rearranging said bags into smaller bags to give to the little beggars, I mean, kiddies knocking on their front door. So much for throwing a few raisins at the tots in the hope they might run away without egging your front door. One of the regulars on the GO train told me that his son came home with a pillowcase FULL of goodies. So impressed was the Dad with his son's loot that he whipped out the weigh scales. The pillowcase came in at a whopping 12 pounds. That is just plain ridiculous! I assume this is the time of year when dentists start sharpening their tooth picks and powering up the drills.

2007-10-20T19:57:00.000+01:00

Dance

This blew my mind away. An amazing piece of choreography.

2007-10-20T19:31:00.000+01:00

Eh....

So I was making an observation about the weather this week. I turned to Ian and said, "It's a nice day, eh?"

I think I am adjusting to Canadian life quite well.

Amazing day though. It looks like it's snowing red and yellow leaves. The wind is whipping the leaves from the enormous tree over the apartment building and gusting them over the lawns. THe squirrels are in their elements.

We are going to Niagara this evening with my brother. We will stay there overnight taking in the cheese of the town. Tomorrow it's off to the Falls. My brother had a tendency as a child to fall into swimming pools with all his clothes on. A little clumsy. The Falls are on a slightly grander scale so I am hoping, against all odds, that he will remain on terra firma. My lifesaving skills aren't up to waterfall/swirling mass of water standard.

2007-10-12T01:40:00.000+01:00

Gramaticul errurs

I ought to apologise for the complete lack of care being show to grammar, spelling and general content of my recent posts.

I am suffering from blog apathy.

2007-10-11T03:15:00.001+01:00

Weather

I am going through a little dose of 'weather shock'. On Monday the temperature was at a mean 31 Celsius. Today, Wednesday, it dropped to 13! I am 100% unprepared for this. So in the space of two to three days I have gone from shorts and a t-shirt to boots, tights and the whole winter woolly ensemble. Perhaps, not winter woolly, but something that will will stop the knife like wind from giving me a facial. That said I am very happy it has started to cool down. Humidity and high pressure are two things in life I am ill-equipped to contend with. My body structure indicates that I was built for cold weather. So imagine what Maebh was forced to listen to every time we went on a holiday to a hot humid destination. Yup, me droning like a hornet about how hot I was and then getting in a sulk with her when she would make me turn the air con off as she had lost the feeling in her legs an hour earlier.

Aaahh..memories.