Canada, eh?

2008-11-25T00:36:00.002Z

Coming Soon

I have a desperate love. A passion. A niggling need . A vehement desire.

My name is Eileen O'Brien and I love The X Factor.

I need to spread the word of Simon Cowell.

That word will be spread. Tomorrow. No point in starting something late in the evening.

There are some people that will spurn me, possibly treat me as a social pariah for admitting to such a love. But with X Factor you either love it or hate it. I fall into the former.

American Idol isn't a patch on this British gem.

2008-09-28T14:00:00.002+01:00

After all my mulling I failed to buy a new coat or boots. I did look, in fact, I dug deep but could not rationalize paying €150 on a coat that feels like sandpaper and looks like it was made with roadkill or even double that on a pair of boots that contain about o.oo1% of actual leather. It appears some shoe manufacturers think if they wave the end product in a front a cow some leather might magically transfer itself from the animal to boot.

Also it seems that coat manufacturers have failed to note that not all women are shaped like beanpoles and that most of us have boobs and butts. Please place buttons on coats accordingly.

In a reckless move I went to Brown Thomas ( Canadians think Holt Renfrew) and modelled a DKNY and Paul Costelloe coat.... I felt like a million dollars but sadly did not have that much in my bank account. Were I to win the Lottery I would personally contact Paul Costelloe to create an entire wardrobe just for me. Madcap spending I know but hey it's my dream and I'll do what I want.

Anyway, it's not like it's cold here at the moment so I can continue to put purchases on the long finger all the while wandering in and out of stores announcing to staff I fail to be overwhelmed by their stock... well not really, but I do cast a critical eye over their stock.

It's the little things that keep me ticking.

2008-09-16T20:10:00.002+01:00

I am brown hair

The mobile phone provider, O2, can tick me off their list of potential subscribers. Their tagline is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

"We are free texts, we are O2".

Enough said.

2008-09-16T20:00:00.002+01:00

Peig Sayers is alive.

I can't watch the news anymore. It's just too depressing. Sub prime this, bank collapse that, job losses, governments in turmoil. Is there anything good going on in the world or is it a conspiracy in the media to make everyone feel rubbish.

I had to laugh at an article I read in one of the national papers today about the increased numbers of people emigrating to escape increasing home and living costs. Funny, I thought we were in a global credit crisis not an Irish one.

2008-09-14T18:29:00.002+01:00

Hmmm

Do you ever notice that major purchases all wait to spring on you at the same time? I need to buy a coat, skirts, boots, sweaters, pay for flights, get my hair done, pay for apartment in Paris, pay immigration folks and maybe, just maybe allow myself food. In much the same way, paper crushes rock, getting my hair done negates the importance of food.

For this week, my mission is to decide on coat or boots.

2008-09-11T23:43:00.002+01:00

It's a kind of tragic

A documentary detailing the events of 9/11 was aired this evening on TV. I had only seen one programme, proceeding the attack, which was composed from the footage of two French cameramen who were in one of the Towers at the point of impact. The documentary this evening immediately peaked my interest as it featured survivors and victims who had been in the North Tower- with the survivors giving their personal accounts. There were stories of joy, for those who had escaped and stories of sadness for those who had lost friends and family, or, had been forced to abandon colleagues to save their own lives. The account that brought floods of tears was that from a young receptionist. She escaped death but not the mental anguish. As final credits rolled on the documentary, she brought out the trousers she was wearing on the day of the attack. They were plain white, standard office wear, in fact they were gleaming white. Following 9/11 she made it her mission to clean every single piece of debris and dirt from those trousers. Every day she washed them and then washed them a little more and a little more until finally they were clean. It was her attempt to wash away the evil she was forced to contend with on that September morning.

2008-08-27T18:23:00.002+01:00

Numbers

I have spent two very frustrating days at work. So frustrating that I am leaving the office in a terrible mood and pretty much staying in said mood until I fall asleep and have bad mood dreams. What I am working on is tedious and mind numbing. I am dealing with so many numbers over so many quarters that I have come to the definitive realisation that not studying accounting in university was a wonderful move on my part. I am sharing my office with two accountants and, dare I say it, these two live up to the accountant stereotype. They love nothing more than a good ol' fashioned grappling with last quarters' numbers to liven up their afternoon. I, on the other hand, have a little cry when another bunch of numerical queries are dumped on my desk.

2008-07-31T20:35:00.003+01:00

Yummy Yummy in my tummy

I have found the ultimate in chocolate goodness all thanks to the might and glory of Marks and Spencer. The wonderful M&S people have created Belgian Chocolate Covered Summer Fruits. These little gems consist of strawberries, blackcurrants and raspberries slathered with Belgian yumminess. I must go and indulge in one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

I'm going to miss Marks and Spencer when I return to Canada.

2008-07-29T20:12:00.002+01:00

Food poisoning, let me count the ways I love thee

Today we had our team lunch at a somewhat new restaurant in town. The girls I work with LOVE this place, ( name being withheld for fear of owner tracking me down, killing me, chopping me up and concealing the evidence in the Soy "Chicken" and Ginger dish). I had been to said restaurant once or twice before and was not impressed. A few weeks ago I ordered a Ploughman's sandwich- pretty hard to screw up, but screw up they did. I was presented with a soggy pathetic sandwich on a mammoth sized plate, complete with run of the mill brown bread soaked through with volumes of mayonnaise, wet lettuce and something resembling cheese. It was foul and came with the hefty price tag of €6.50... daylight robbery in its finest form. Perhaps my €6.50 was paying for all the dishsoap needed to clean the frickin' plate. So, when I heard we were to have our lunch there I allowed myself an inner groan. Seeing as the company was paying I decided to splash out and have the spiced squash and aubergine bake with creme fraiche and toasted nuts. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? Lovely it was not. The veg may or may not have been cooked, there was a complete lack of aubergine, ( instead, replaced with giant hunks of onion) with the levels of creme fraiche inducing unwelcome nausea. Dessert was impressive- a chocolate brownie with almonds, leading me to believe it was not made in house. It was a thoroughly disappointing experience and was set to get worse. After having some coffee the girls and I sat around for half an hour after eating and chatted..... that was when the grumbling and rumbling began in my stomach. The sounds of lunch rejection failed to cease upon getting up and moving around and nor did they ease as we walked back to work or when I tried to drink some calming peppermint tea. No, instead it got so bad I was forced to rush from my desk and into the bathroom where I spent a glorious hour on the toilet reliving every "wonderful" moment of my lunch. The rest of the day was spent sitting at my desk clutching my stomach and willing all of the gods in the skies to stop the churning and the pain. It is now late evening and I cannot face food still and am making breakneck trips to the bathroom at an alarming frequency.

I think it's safe to say, provided I make it through the rest of the evening, that I will not be darkening the doors of this restaurant ever, ever again. A truly awful gastronomic experience.

And yes, I will be making sure the imbecile manager/owner will be made aware of my condition tomorrow. Not a single toilet trip will be omitted.

2008-07-28T20:46:00.002+01:00

Nee naw

My apartment is very close to the Cork Maternity hospital. Whenever I walk over to the nearby supermarket I pass by the entrance which is littered with expectant mums, pacing fathers-to-be and chain smoking relatives. Nothing exciting ever seems to happen outside the four walls of the hospital but on Saturday there was fabulous drama. I was waiting to cross at the main hospital intersection when three screaming police cars shot past me flanking a family car, with a crazed man at the wheel, and a woman in the passenger seat, obviously in tremendous pain, what with her contorted face. I didn't think the police EVER escorted expectant mothers to hospital but in this instance they did! The three cars police cars threw every caution to the wind, they zig zagged through lanes of traffic, they shunned the demands of a red light, they even blared their horns at little old ladies! I can only imagine how much fun the dad-to-be was having- what other time in his life would he have the opportunity to break every single rule in the driving manual with the encouragement of the police?! Once the civilian car reached the gates of the hospital, two of the police cars pulled back, allowing Dad Schumacher crease his way to the waiting medical staff in a haze of tyre smoke.

And that was about how exciting my weekend was. I am on 'lock down' in the financial sense, as Ian and I are planning a trip to Paris at the start of Autumn. I haven't been to Paris for almost a decade. An entire decade! So, no money wasting is permitted between now and then... NONE! I cannot wait to return to the Chateau de Versailles. It is a mind boggling standard of beauty, opulence, over indulgence and sheer wonder. My very first visit to Versailles was when I was, perhaps eleven or twelve and the memories have never left me. The colossal beauty and luxury of the chateau leaves most people with their jaws hanging on the ground... me included.

When I last visited I was unable to see the famous Opera as it was closed for renovations. Not this time, I thought.

What a foolish thought that was.

ONCE AGAIN, the Opera is being renovated and will be closed for 20 months!! Noooooo. I will have to do the same as I did last time- buy the postcard and tell everyone, regardless of the truth, that I was in fact there.

Ha!

2008-07-21T22:01:00.003+01:00

Monsters-in-Training

There are some people in this world of ours who should not be allowed to reproduce. Actually, scratch 'some' and replace with 'substantial amount'. Yesterday some friends and I went to Fota Wildlife Park, just outside Cork city. The place was swarming with little snotty nosed, screaming, melted ice cream toting, sticky handed children. Some were adorable little cherub faced wonders, tottering around like mini Buddahs, whereas others convinced me the devil is well and truly alive. Children were running around trying to pull feathers from the male peacocks, other little monsters were throwing Coca Cola at monkeys while a few terrors tried to stick their fingers through the wire fence into the cheetah compound. Truth be told I prayed to all the Gods that one of the little rotters would feel the wrath of wild cat teeth.. however it was not to be.

I was annoyed at all the loose cannon kids running riot but was disgusted by the attitude of their parents- My ears tired of hearing the words, " Benjamin, TRY not to throw drinks at the monkey", "Emilia TRY not to run after the bird", "Adolfus TRY not throw your ice cream at the passing strangers". I may not have kids but I damn well know that there isn't a single kid in the world that will TRY to do the 'right' thing when they are four years old and loaded up on sugar. They are mini destruction balls. Yet some parents were eager not to put the brakes on their hideous displays of mayhem instead enouraging or ignoring their discovery of nature in all its frgailitiy. Sure, the monsters tampered with the flora and fauna of a unique park and sure they threw objects and food at innocent animals, but it appears I was unaware that the little Benjamin's, Emilia's and Adolfus' were learning to 'discover', and so what if their filthy little hands added in the downfall of an eco-system.

Other than the Attack of the Under Fives, the day at the park was great! I went there with a few friends, they brought a picnic, we had a cake, I got chased by a wasp. It was great! The being chased by a wasp was not so great as it involved frantic running and random swatting... I may have taken out one of the above child monsters with my swatting. Every war has its victims.

2008-07-19T16:02:00.002+01:00

Popcorn and ABBA and songs, oh my.

I have a popcorn shell stuck in my tonsils. It's like a mini person is in my throat, repeatedly stabbing my tonsil. I have tried coughing, drinking tea, water, fizzy drinks, dry bread, cornflakes, toothpaste and Listerine but nothing will move the shell. It got lodged last night while watching Mamma Mia- it completely ruined my singing abilities. I could only croak out a few bars of Mamma Mia, Waterloo and Dancing Queen.

The movie itself was fun! The script was awful, the overacting shocking, Meryl Streep can't hold a note, Pierce Brosnan should reserve high octane singing for the shower and Colin Firth needs to find a new niche other than 'reserved Englishman'. But, it was still a great movie- completely camp and OTT.

The drive home from the cinema was equally fun. We located Abba Gold in the glove box, rolled it on, turned up the volume and roared out as many songs as we could. I roared as much as possible considering I had a popcorn shell lodged in my throat. It's an affliction at this stage.

I am supposed to be going to a club tonight called "Sophisticated Boom Boom". I have looked up the web page for it and I don't understand it. A friend of mine does belly and Bollywood dancing and she told me her troupe is putting on a show along with other dancers..... yet it's a club night. I'm not sure how this is going to work. There will also be cake at this club.... yes we all get a slice of cake. See?? This gets stranger and stranger.

2008-07-14T23:35:00.003+01:00

Mamma Mia

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

I think I might pee my pants. Mamma Mia is in glorious technicolour with Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan! Who knows if they can sing? Who cares? I shall sing for them until cinema security threatens me!

This is my internal jukebox on the big screen. I am forever humming something from Gold, interspersed with my own personal take on the lyrics. I love Abba. A Christmas party is not complete without a rousing rendition of 'Waterloo', 'Knowing me Knowing You' remains one of my all time favourite songs and who can forget student clubs playing "Gimme Gimme...A Man After Midnight", ( a particular favourite of the single ladies, with the lyrics roared into the ear of any unfortunate young man that happened to get in their line of vision).

A house party was not a house party without someone distracting the music junkie away from the cd player which was invariably playing some coma inducing Bob Dylan, ( yeah yeah I know, I don't appreciate 'music'), throwing said Dylan CD out the window and replacing with Abba Gold! A random punter was placed on sentry duty only allowing women covered in glitter and feathers or a fabulously gay friend to press the 'Play all' and 'Repeat' buttons.

Magic!!

2008-07-14T22:43:00.002+01:00

Ta Dah!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I am back. My immigration papers have been completed so I now have hours upon hours of free time each and every evening for the forseeable future, therefore, I need something to occupy my time. What better way than to give out about something on the world wide web. Also, my one man PR team, Ian, showed my blog to someone over the weekend. She read it, stroked my ego, thus compelling to write something. I like to ramble about things so I think I'll be able to come up with something.

Take for example this evening- my word I nearly gave myself an anurism. Each evening I like to huff and puff my way along the banks of the Lee river in Cork. The banks are beautiful, huge fields, full of dogs chasing balls and children, other children in canoes doing their best not to drown, old people with dodgy hips, the young and fabulous sprinting with ne'er a drop of sweat on their tanned brows and then there is me. During my time in Canada I became a vegetable. I sat on my backside letting my roots grow further into the sofa, all the while, demanding regular feedings. The educated among you will know that consistent cheese eating combined with a lack of movement does not do wonders for the posterior, so once back in the Emerald Isle I decided to get out and get active, but not before racking up euros on my debit card. There was no way I was running in public without looking like I was trying out for the Olympic Track &Field team, so I took myself into Cork's finest sporting store and demanded apparel befitting a woman on a fitness mission. I got myself gel shoes that make me spring like a spaniel, trainer pants that are THE latest in high tech non -sweat- getting- anywhere- near- your- skin, and an aerodynamic top that a NASA nerd probably invented. That's what I think and I shall not be deterred.

I had the look and that was pretty much it.

I decided to venture to the riverbanks at non peak hours... so large masses of people wouldn't be tempted to call for an emergency ambulance armed with oxygen. It was awful.. awful awful. I looked like a bruised and battered tomato for days on end and started to get sympathetic nods from the elderly walkers. The hardcore sprinters nearly tailspun me into the river such was the speed they passed me with. But that was then. Now I can more or less keep going without wanting to throw up on one of the passing ducks. Dogs have also stopped chasing me which makes for a welcome change.

So, everything was going well UNTIL THE UNIVERSITY YEAR ENDED AND THE CITY WAS SWARMED WITH OTHER PEOPLE! Each year in Cork, the university runs summer courses for foreign students. The city is invaded with the screams and shrills of rowdy, hormonal, deafening Spanish and Portuguese teenagers. Fortunately, these kids are so busy trying to impress some spotty member of the opposite sex they have no interest in maintaining any level of fitness. However, there are other courses run at the university- for American undergrad students. I am sure they are lovely people when you sit them down for a chat and a bottle of wine but when they are pounding the pavement, MY pavement they are thoroughly and utterly awful.

This evening I was jogging towards the canoe jetty along the rather narrow public path. At most, on the path, two people can pass without dislocating each others shoulders. Anyway, I spotted three, shall we say, rotund, Americans, coming at a sedate pace towards me, all three running abreast. Now, general path and running etiquette in any part of the world is to reduce the three legged lassies to a single mountain range and allow oncoming runners to pass. You WOULD THINK! No no no no no no, they refused to do so. I got in a bit of a snot and refused to move so kept on drilling ahead like a heat sensing torpedo, ( well not that fast, but the description adds a certain something). As I approached the trio they refused to move so I stopped and they stopped and, wait for it, wait for it, I got this from one of the muppets,

"Aaaahh we were , like, here first".

No, I did not have some witty retort, or dirty look to throw them.

And for that I will never forgive myself. My brain failed to react in time.

2008-01-15T22:38:00.001Z

Writing a blog should not be a chore, but a chore is what it has become for me. So much of my week is devoted to commuting and office work that typing frequent entries has become difficult due to restricted free time post work. While living in Asia, life had a more interesting twist- everyday saw something new happen- a quirky little incident with the language, a funny cultural observation or a new adventure to a different country. These days, my focus has shifted to my career and, as much as I would love to, for the respect of the instuitution I work for and the people I work with I am not able to regale you with the hilarious workplace activites I experience everyday. I could talk at length about Ian and I but that is not something I wish to do via the world web. Instead my blog entries from now on will be limited, ( much like over the last few months) and will be more of a sysnopsis of events for friends and family in Ireland and other parts of the world.

Have a wonderful New Year and here's hoping 2008 will be just as good. Everything appears to be on par for Ian and I as we had our annual New Year's Argument- always a healthy indicator for us.

Enjoy- I will return with a birthday post around February 4th

*Hint Hint*

2008-01-10T01:20:00.001Z

And the winner is ....

I have found a train service that can out do Iarnrod Eireann for late train excuses. Ireland may have the "leaves on the track" phenomenon, but Ontario has "chain link fence" on the track. I think we have a winner!

2008-01-10T01:14:00.000Z

Useless Fact # 0001

The surname "Gill" is not exclusive to Ireland and the United Kingdom. It is also a Sikh family name.

2008-01-10T00:46:00.000Z

Christmas

I watched a girl this morning fill in application forms to join a gym. Filling in the forms was the workout. I have never ever seen so many pages demanding detailed personal information. I am quite sure there was even a question relating to daily excretions.

Anyway, Happy New Year to one and all. I am a mere ten days off target. Hurrah. I hope, too, that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and managed to avoid downing an entire box of Quality Street for the sake of it. Christmas was a wonderful affair here in Canadia.. no typo there. Maebh and I think it is HILARIOUS to say Canadia instead of Canada. There isn't any rational explanation. We just got a kick out of watching Canadians that we knew in Korea very patiently explain the difference between Canada and America, duly ignore them, and continue to reference their home country as Canadia. Fnar Fnar.

Seeing as I am pressed for time I shall revert to the old favourite- bullet points

Christmas Eve

Not a lot to say here other than I lost Ian and assorted family members to a Christmas Eve jigsaw puzzle. He and his relatives decided to assemble pieces of an aeroplane flying over water. Imagine how many blue pieces there were in teeny tiny ant friendly sized pieces. I was tempted to pull a Homer J. and whip out a scissors to cut pieces to size, but instead I soldiered on and managed to force about ten pieces together before I lost interest and abandoned puzzle for the basement. The Attack of the Nerds continued to keep going and I was ever so impressed with their end result. At four in the morning.

Christmas Day

Ian's sister made us get up before 9am. Getting up before 9am is exclusively reserved for work days. However her persistent hammering on the door wore us down and forced us down to the living room. To say there were a few gifts under the tree would be an understatement. There were a lot. My disgust with getting up early soon faded what with clearing the contents of my stocking and making my Scooby Doo toy sing Jingle Bells over and over and over again. Present opening took the best part of the morning so I can see Sarah's rational in getting us up early. I got some super gifts with some of the stand out ones being a magnificent special edition of the Kite Runner , my cherished Gap gift card, my very own edition of Cranium and seasons of Sex and the City and Frasier.

Food

Christmas Day food was excellent- Eggs Benedict, turkey with all the trimmings, including Brussels Sprouts, ( much to the horror of Ian), and Uncle Don's brownies. I would like to make an official apology to the King family for not leaving them any brownies. People, you snooze you loose.

Games

Three words- Cranium is awesome.

'Nuff said.

And I am done with typing. I am sick and tired of typing and I am very tempted to invest in that speaker Dictaphone thing that can be hooked to your PC and automatically types what you say. Of course I don't think my work colleagues would appreciate me roaring instructions at a computer screen day in day out. Sans my inside voice.

2008-01-03T02:16:00.000Z

From the mouth of a 17 year old

"I soooo want a salad. I want a Caesar salad. Do you think an Italian restaurant would have that salad? Or was it made by Romans".

Wow. I'm pretty sure Mr J. Caesar took some time out from building his mighty Empire to whip up a salad. With croutons.

Anyway, an extreme cold weather warning has been issued for Toronto. Tomorrow should see -20. Chilly. Today, with the wind chill it was -23...... I learned a lot walking from the subway to the office. Wearing tights and a skirt does NOT stop cold burn. And my ears don't react well to cold. And I think I got brain freeze.

I STILL have to get cracking on my Christmas/New Year recap, but there is just so much to describe that I am having a few problems getting me to sit down, focus and type. Expect it to turn up around this time next year.

2007-12-31T04:16:00.000Z

Not enough time in the day

There is a detailed, second by second account of Christmas in the works. Unfortunately, I have not had the luxury of lying around on the living room floor stuffing myself with chocolates, conjuring fun blog sentence structuring, as I have been indulging in that fun activity called, "work". I had Christmas Day and Boxing Day off, but it was back to the grindstone on the 27th. Nevertheless, I managed to pack a veritable medley of fun activities into those two days which I will elaborate on over the course of the coming week. Tomorrow evening Ian and I are going to a New Year's Part being hosted by some friends. I am very excited... almost Christmas Eve levels of excitement.

Also, I have become far far too domesticated. This evening I purposely went to the drug store to stock up on Christmas cards for NEXT CHRISTMAS BECAUSE THEY WERE ON SALE! I used to make fun people who did that kind of thing, now, I think such advanced planning is genius.

Speaking of genius, Ian is watching a show on TV called Jesus Camp. It brings a whole new level of 'shocking' to TV. It is horrific to think this sort of conduct is permitted in modern America.

2007-12-23T22:13:00.001Z

So last weekend I was Christmas shopping at a local mall. I flitted from store to store offloading all that unnecessary cash in my account to money grabbing retailers having a merry ol' time. My merry feeling was a little bruised by the lack of Christmas cheer displayed by store staff. Here, in mucho liberal Canada, it is frowned upon for people to wish strangers a "Merry Christmas"for fear of offending non Christians. Store staff are expected not to say anything but if they must it can only be along the lines of "Happy Holidays. Give me a break. This is PC thinking taken that one step too far. So what if non Christians don't like it- they still indulge in the commercialism of Christmas, don't they? They still take 'Christmas' vacation, don't they? It angers me that the powers that be succumbed to the whims of some non Christians simply to appease ludicrous mob mentality. I could go on and on about this one, but for the sake of my blood pressure I shall close the lid on this one and yell Merry Christmas at whomever I wish.

Pah.

Ian and I had our Christmas date last night. We went to a little bistro in the town run by a Frenchman from Nice and his Quebec City wife. What a phenomenal gastronomic experience it was. I was very surprised at how tasty rabbit liver mousse and bison were. We were provided with a delightful 2003 French red that was the perfect perfect match for our main course ( Bison for Ian and Angus Striploin pour moi). The owners are wonderful and very quirky with that wonderful expressive body language only the French possess. Each utterance from la femme was melded with dramatic hand movements, exaggerated head bobbing and that particular 'bof' sound the French people have perfected. What a perfect start to the Christmas season. ( Note I typed Christmas and not any of that pc mumbo jumbo).

Sadly Ian and I have to work tomorrow, but hopefully for only a few hours and then it is back home and over to the Kings to indulge in some Christmas cheer. I am very excited for gifts, time off work and food. I expect I will be found passed out in a pile of turkey, rum balls and gift wrap. Turkey OD is a serious condition.

I saw a ridiculous sign at one of the local gyms yesterday. This particular place has one of those old style cinema signs ( the ones with removable letters in black with a a white background). The person in charge of advertising was evidently sick the day punctuation was being done in class. The sign read

"Give the gift of health free spa"

Methinks there should have been a member of the puncutation family resident between the words health and free. Still it made me laugh.

2007-12-17T02:42:00.000Z

Storm Day

Today we had the first snow storm of the season and I must say it was quite spectacular.... what with watching it from the comfort of my nice warm living room. I have charted the day's events below. Prepare for a thrilling read....

So below we see the tree that I spent the first half of the morning admiring, (the second half of my morning was spent deciding between thickening and moisturizing shampoo.. for those of you that care, I went with moisturizing and I do regret my decision). Note all the gifts under tree. All wrapped with love by me. Ian has an aversion to wrapping gifts, but not to opening them. I posted a picture with the top of the tree missing. I did have many other pictures with tree top evident but who knew "Del" areally did mean Delete.

When the stresses of tree gazing and decision making started to take their toll I chose to gaze at the antique decorations we have on the tree. The bauble below, is very beautiful and came from East Germany.. that should give an indication as to how old it is.

After such an historical bauble I felt I needed some comedic relief in my day and had a little giggle at the decoration that Ian made when he was in Grade One. Aww. Admire this one as quickly as you can, as when Ian discovers I posted this on the world wide web, I imagine he will have a little petition drafted demanding its removal.

And then the storm came. I had an invigorating hour watching the snow plough guys.

Once the snow was scrapped I ventured outside to see the damage. This pictures demonstrates just how much snow fell. The path leads from the car park to the back door of the apartment block. Impressive levels of snow. What, ho, old chap.

This is a pristine, untouched blanket of snow which was destroyed by me moments after taking this picture. There is nothing as satisfying as breaking fresh snow with a body jump.

My boot print- if you look closely at the snow it looks like snow is quite the glitter fan what with all the sparkles. Of course there is a scientific explanation for the whole thing. My memory fails me at the moment, however.

The storm brought with it snow, in the common sense of the word, and 'blowing snow'. I like the patterns left by the wind whipping up the flakes... sort of a snowy attempt at Saharan winds.

Yeah, I know, wow. Best part? I jumped into all of it afterwards. Point of note..snow LOOKS soft. It is anything but.

I did of course pause to admire the beauty of a silent night.

And then the snow came back and Bambi got lost.

2007-12-13T00:46:00.000Z

Game on

On Sunday Ian and I went to a Toronto Raptors game ( of the basketball variety). To be honest I wasn't all that excited at the prospect of watching ten guys throw a ball around a sprung floor for a few hours so I was pleasantly surprised when I found myself on my feet, cheering and screaming for the Raptors. I also watched a living sporting legend take to the court in the form of the Houston Rocket's Yao Ming. Is that guy ever tall- all 7' 6" of him. However, due to his height, he looks rather clumsy loping from one basket to the other. The most entertaining aspect of the whole evening came in the form of a man dressed in a costume. Let me explain- most, if not all, basketball teams in the NBA have a team mascot, and for the Raptors it is a guy dressed in a red Raptor suit. However, this mascot has taken the costume one step further by now sporting an inflatable costume complete with giant head and little arms making him look like a Lilliputian with an unusually oversized 'tete'. There are numerous videos on You Tube of this little critter doing his dance moves, tumbles and comedic acts. They are hilarious! He comes on court during breaks in play and half time. Sporting events in North America are very very different to those in Europe. They are considered a huge day out for friends and family and while crowd participation is encouraged, the crowd isn't as frantic as at a Premier League football game. Instead during half time people are asked to come from their seats to court to take part in games with an emphasis placed on children participating. The whole ambiance of the game is intended to make the game as comfortable as possible. There are ushers to guide you to your seats, soft seats to sit on, numerous food vendors and if you are lucky to sit in the good seats (as Ian and I once did), a menu is provided for you to select your goodies and an assigned usher brings them to you! Also, music is constantly playing so I get to sing along! The people sitting beside us must have been very happy to hear me warble out the lyrics of Kanye West's, "Stronger". A world apart from the plastic seats of GAA games. Anyhoo, the Raptors won the game and no one was quite as content as me. I may have become a fan and have become a little more receptive to Ian watching every single one of their games on TV... in case you hadn't realised, I happen to be dating a die hard Raptors fan. While the basketball was enormous fun my one goal for the coming year is to finally see the Toronto Maple Leaf's play on ice. Getting one of these hockey tickets is akin to winning one of Willy Wonka's limited chocolate factory tours- basically impossible. However, I am undeterred in my quest.

I have to award a great big round of applause to those running the Distillery District in Toronto. As the name suggests it was once a haven for liquor production but now houses art galleries, select bars and a yummy chocolatier. During the festive season the bars host many corporate Christmas events, so during the run up to the season the District is providing free rides home after a night of celebratory drinking. I am so happy to hear that someone has taken this step and is providing an alternative to drink driving. It is only taking effect on certain dates but, no matter what, it is a very positive step and something I highly commend.

2007-12-06T03:04:00.000Z

Marks and Spencer, come back to Canada. All is forgiven. What is Christmas without your overpriced finger foods that are to die for and bottled mulled wine.

Come back... I am begging.

2007-12-04T01:32:00.000Z

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.

Christmas shopping is GO! However, Ian and I have encountered a little problem- we are magpies in human form. Every single store we go to we are instantly drawn to the Christmas decoration section. It's unbelievable. We have absolutely no self control whatsoever. Like two high stoners we clutch each sparkly bauble oohing and aahing, covering ourselves in tinsel and turning on ALL the singing Christmas toys and hosting our own caroling event in Aisle 26 of Canadian Tire. I give store staff one more weekend before they start pining our pictures at checkouts reading "Beware- Christmas Toy Abusers".

Wal-Mart has gone 24 hour. It's great. The aisles are deserted. We went there on Saturday night at 11pm and were able to turn on all the toys with buttons saying "Try Me".. well ok, then.

2007-12-04T00:57:00.001Z

Winter... brr.

So here are a few pictures to prove how delightful Canada is in Winter. These were taken after a few hours of snow, a night of freezing rain, a freeze, a little more snow and then a giant dump of snow. It looks very very pretty, but dear Lord in Heaven, it is hell to walk on. Hence the giant black boots. They are my snow boots and the most cherished item I will possess this Winter. No one is coming between me and them. I went for a trample in the snow to test how waterproof they are, and the verdict is "Success". I would take a few more pictures but the locals are giving me weird looks as it is. Obviously they haven't met someone that is in complete and utter awe of snow. Once the snow plough guy and his salting mate get here I'll get a few pictures of them. It's fun watching them plough the drive like possessed demons, oblivious to the giant kerb they are about to run into and watch their little heads wobble like Bobble Head Men on impact. It doesn't deter them.. it's as if the kerb is a mountain they have to scale.

The photos I have provided aren't very clear... it's frickin' freezing outside. Be grateful for what I managed to achieve.

Below is the view from the balcony

And another..can you see the reindeer on the 'lawn'?!

Mighty Boots.

Purty.

2007-11-29T00:15:00.000Z

I can we can safely assume that Winter has arrived here in Canada. Last Thursday I got to partake in the joy of standing on a commuter train platform in minus seven Celsius complete with freezing rain. Now, I like the cold, I really do- it gives one that "refreshed" sensation after mere seconds, but this was like nothing I had ever experienced. The problem may have been more to do with the fact that the train was 40 minutes late and that minus seven started to feel more like minus death, that the freezing rain was harshly exfoliating my face and that my hands would have successfully frozen a packet of peas in minutes with my feet providing back up. That said, I love it. Dreams of Winter get me through summer. I think summer is some sort of a trial for the afterlife along of the lines of "Can you take the heat?". Well, I can't, so, based on my theory, I cannot take the heat, therefore I cannot 'take' hell, leading me to assume I get first dibs at the pearly gates. Once inside the gates, it is white and fluffy much like snow which indicates I would be quite at home there. It's pretty obvious really.

This is the most disgusting thing I have come across in recent times. I cannot think of anything less appealing to the taste buds or more likely to induce a cardiac arrest after a few shovels. Plus it has corn. That's what parents should threaten their kids with if they don't eat their greens- corn... and from a tin, as that is the vile stuff.

2007-11-20T03:10:00.001Z

Atchoo

I think I may be getting a little sniffle. My head and nose hurt and my eyes are starting to stream. This is bad news for Ian. I am a terrible patient. My idea of being a patient involves me lying on the sofa watching some trash TV, ringing my little ceramic bell to summon Ian for yet another demand while getting a sugary high off "Lemsip". I am rarely sick... as in I tend to only suffer at the claws of a virus maybe once a year, but that once off event makes up for all the other times I could have been sick. I doubt I will be forced to miss work simply due to the fact that afternoon TV is rubbish and I have watched all the DVD's we own.

Today I had a meeting near a large shopping mall in Toronto- the Yorkdale Mall
Now, don't get me wrong, it's a great mall- lots of stores, variety and comfortable surroundings. (Let's just forget for a moment that me and one of the girls from work got lost going to the meeting... NOTHING to do with us staring in all the store windows and missing our location... no. Not that it was essential for us to walk through the mall). However, after my meeting I decided to have a browse around some of the stores. Note browse. I did not get to do much browsing as I was faced with some of the most annoying floor staff of all time. The first store I went to I was greeted with "Welcome to xxxxx. We have a special on .xxx. Get xxx for xxx dollars". I chose to ignore the cretin yelling in my direction. Not to be deterred the cretin actually came after to me to repeat the above blurb. There are times when I wish I had laser eyes. I could rid the world of such ridiculous drains on our global energy- it takes a lot of hamsters to get the wheel of stupidity going. In the next store some bimbo stalked me around the store. I finally asked HER if I could help her. In the third store, the assistant was walking so close to me that when I turned around I actually smacked into her. In the Body Shop, the tip of my shoe wasn't even over the threshold before i got "Welcome to the Body Shop, today we have a special on blah blah blah". The rest of my shoe never made it into the store. Whatever happened to the simple act of just wandering around stores, looking at things you can't afford, spraying yourself with every perfume in the store or just trying things on for the hell of it? Such is the drive to sell, profit and outdo competitors, that store workers are now akin to the hated door-to-door salesman. They are pushy, intrusive and obnoxious, but dare to make them work for their commission and you are met with the real person. There have been times here when I have been in a changing room and need another size. I have asked the person that trailed me for 15 minutes to get me an alternative size and I have been met with the look a precocious child gives its weary mother when told to behave. However, forget their recent bad media run of late, "The Gap" gets a a gold star for its store staff- professional, unobtrusive, friendly and "line intelligent" ( as in they know what is hanging where and what it is supposed to look like on you).

I do miss the Irish approach to selling anything in a store. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Although there is one GLARING difference between stores here and Ireland. Irish stores have a security guard at their doors. All of them regardless of size. Here, nothing. The malls have their own security teams, but the stores don't. Guaranteed the cousins will be over within the week of some five finger discounts..

I jest I jest. About my cousins. Not the security guard. Although security guard should be taken with a pinch of salt. It's not like these guys could ever stop a break in. They'd probably break out in a hive attack under any form of pressure.

And to think Christmas shopping is a weekend or two away! I shall be going armed with my best snotty face.

2007-11-15T03:50:00.001Z

Lady, comin' through.

This morning I was walking from the subway to the escalator at my stop. There are always throngs of people at this particular location due to large numbers of schools and offices in the area. There are always a few 'louts' present, dressed in school uniform, with no intention of actually making it to class. Anyway, as usual, there was the everyday jostling of people rushing to be first up the escalator. I, without any knowledge, walked between two school boys, no more than 13 years of age. I apolgised to the kid I bumped into to which he retorted, "Hey f*** you, lady". He got a dig of my oversized bag and a filthy look and I may have placed a curse upon him. It just warms the cockles of my heart knowing this is what Canada is nuturing to be its future.

However, it was very nice to come home from work on Tuesday evening to see that our apartment building has been decorated with lights, Christmas tree and candy can wrapping around the street lights. It is very pretty. It has now fueled Ian to get lights on our balcony. Some of you have heard tales of Ian's love of overdecorating ( read- extreme tinsel adoration), so I intriuged as to how he is going about Operation Christmas Balcony. It's going to turn into all out apartment lighting warfare.

We got a new TV this week. We are quite the happy campers. It's fandiddlyiastic.

2007-11-07T02:50:00.000Z

Winter

It's so depressing. The stupid clocks went back on hour. I am now getting home in the dark. Pitch black. Only headlights to guide the way. Cold. Rain. Sleet. Snow. And I don't have my Winter coat yet.

That said I am delighted that the heat of summer is gone. I hope it gets lost on its return journey next May.

2007-11-03T04:26:00.000Z

Summary of past few weeks events

The 'rents (to quote the 12 year old gangs of children that gather on the subway day in day out to spend Daddy's money in the Gap) came to visit
Took the brother to Niagara where the volumes of 19 year old Americans in bars baffled me. How desperate are they for a beer that they drive across the border every Saturday and then stumble back across it the next day. Welcome Adolescent Americans.
Managed to fit in the Falls- wow. Nice to see them in plus 18 degrees as opposed to minus 18. Took the Maid of the Mist. That wiped all cobwebs off me. The water proof clothing provided ( read; ginormous plastic bag) was rather ineffective in the gale force winds resulting in me getting a free shower from the Falls. I should have brought my Herbal Essences with me. I was, however, quite the happy camper when one of the gazillion seagulls didn't poop on me
Parents toured around Toronto and then motored on up to the Nation's Capital... Ottawa, people! I believe they enjoyed themselves there, and really, who wouldn't.
Had a fantastic meal at a restaurant called .... neh I can't remember what it was called. King Street West, Toronto if you are in the area. Look for the dark, velvetesque joint. Super food and wonderful, incredible non annoying service from staff. None of that "Hi my name is Kyle and I'm super and really want to serve you and today's special is something the chef plucked from yesterday's garbage can". Instead it was professional and subtle.
I carved my very first pumpkin with Ian's family. Ian and his Dad created artistic wonders. Mine looks like a simple first grader was let loose with a blunt knife and told to create something that resembled, ( in that odd Picasso fashion) a quirky face. Carving pumpkins is a rather messy endeavour. I am still finding seeds in the carpet.
Seeing as it was Halloween, costumes were the talk of the town. Canadians are quite passionate about dressing up and put quite the hefty effort into them. None of that buying a witches hat from Pound City ( which is more than likely highly flammable, but, you rest in hope that the fake hair attached to said hat will tame the flames). One of Sarah's friends decided to go as a penis and she decided to construct the appendage in our kitchen. I have not seen photographic proof of the end result but there was a lampshade, a lot of flesh coloured spray paint and countless black wigs involved. I know there were many wigs due to the volumes of black fake hair I keep finding in the kitchen. I am intrigued as to how hair ended up IN the microwave.
I decided to go as a Deviled Egg. Anyone from Europe should not even bother reading this paragraph as they won't know what I am talking about. However, props to Mr. King for spray painting my sheet yellow and red and zero props to the wagon in Zellers who tried to charge me $35 for a single white sheet. That is one person off my Christmas list- the cashier, that is, not Mr. King.
Ian decided to secure his Dork status by partaking in a basketball fantasy league over the weekend. This was not just any league. It was a super league. People travelled from Ottawa and other far flung hamlets to take part in their draft that was held in downtown Toronto. The event was complete with bingo drum, laptops, deal room, enough beer to guarantee they all made ridiculous picks, and just a hint of paranoia- enough to make them all doubt themselves, doubt their draft opponents, doubt their players abilities but leaving them in no doubt that they were verging on nerd status.
Work is going well. I am being awarded more responsibility- expect to hear about a seismic crash in the Canadian banking industry in the coming weeks.
My commutes have been uneventful. That, or I am becoming immune to the pushing, shoving and stomping. Although, if I take a moment to reflect, I am the one inflicting bruises and broken limbs these days. I was quite proud of myself today. I stepped off the subway at 5.11 pm and managed to sprint through the thousands of people to make it onto the 5.13 train. Eileen fights back.
To pass the time on the train I am reading lots of books. I lie. I am not reading lots of books. I am carrying lots of reading material but I am indulging in far too much people STARING. Not gazing, staring. The same people get on the same carriage and sit on the same seats every day. I make up background bios about all of them ( its a BORING JOURNEY) to while the minutes away. I had one guy pegged as a vodka swilling, crazed, demented, Russian spy. I was disgusted when he answered his Blackberry in Italian. That squashed that story. I was also wrong about the woman I thought was one of those high powered man eating terrifying fabulously well dressed lawyers. She is in fact a nurses assistant. With really amazing clothes.
For those of you that know me, you will know that I have a very short fuse and tend to explode emotionally over the tiniest of incidents- take for example Ian and his insistence on creating a sock grotto on the bedroom floor. If my blood pressure is high, it is because of those blasted socks. Anyway, I went for lunch with one of the girls from work. She is an increible nice sweet girl with lots of positive things to say about everyone. While we were eating we got to talking about people and their emotions. She turned to me and said, "I could never imagine you being angry with anyone ever. You are always so nice to everyone". This PROVES I am schizophrenic.
For the Europeans reading I will offer a little insight into how popular trick-or-treating is here. In the lead up to Halloween night all I saw were people going to stores to stock up on bags and bags and bags of "candy" and chocolate and then rearranging said bags into smaller bags to give to the little beggars, I mean, kiddies knocking on their front door. So much for throwing a few raisins at the tots in the hope they might run away without egging your front door. One of the regulars on the GO train told me that his son came home with a pillowcase FULL of goodies. So impressed was the Dad with his son's loot that he whipped out the weigh scales. The pillowcase came in at a whopping 12 pounds. That is just plain ridiculous! I assume this is the time of year when dentists start sharpening their tooth picks and powering up the drills.

2007-10-20T19:57:00.000+01:00

Dance

This blew my mind away. An amazing piece of choreography.

2007-10-20T19:31:00.000+01:00

Eh....

So I was making an observation about the weather this week. I turned to Ian and said, "It's a nice day, eh?"

I think I am adjusting to Canadian life quite well.

Amazing day though. It looks like it's snowing red and yellow leaves. The wind is whipping the leaves from the enormous tree over the apartment building and gusting them over the lawns. THe squirrels are in their elements.

We are going to Niagara this evening with my brother. We will stay there overnight taking in the cheese of the town. Tomorrow it's off to the Falls. My brother had a tendency as a child to fall into swimming pools with all his clothes on. A little clumsy. The Falls are on a slightly grander scale so I am hoping, against all odds, that he will remain on terra firma. My lifesaving skills aren't up to waterfall/swirling mass of water standard.

2007-10-12T01:40:00.000+01:00

Gramaticul errurs

I ought to apologise for the complete lack of care being show to grammar, spelling and general content of my recent posts.

I am suffering from blog apathy.

2007-10-11T03:15:00.001+01:00

Weather

I am going through a little dose of 'weather shock'. On Monday the temperature was at a mean 31 Celsius. Today, Wednesday, it dropped to 13! I am 100% unprepared for this. So in the space of two to three days I have gone from shorts and a t-shirt to boots, tights and the whole winter woolly ensemble. Perhaps, not winter woolly, but something that will will stop the knife like wind from giving me a facial. That said I am very happy it has started to cool down. Humidity and high pressure are two things in life I am ill-equipped to contend with. My body structure indicates that I was built for cold weather. So imagine what Maebh was forced to listen to every time we went on a holiday to a hot humid destination. Yup, me droning like a hornet about how hot I was and then getting in a sulk with her when she would make me turn the air con off as she had lost the feeling in her legs an hour earlier.

Aaahh..memories.

2007-10-11T02:48:00.001+01:00

Shameful..with hot hair

There are times when I really let myself down. This evening after work I was sprawled on the couch watching chewing gum for the eyes on the TV when I decided I needed to get a little more active, what with the office job and all. It is a curse. I have worked out that I am in a sitting position for nigh on 10 hours a day. My fingers are getting a wonderful workout what with all the typing, (and they do look fabulous in that odd yoga muscle way) as is my neck from craning over the cubicle wall trying to see what's happening. That is nothing short of disgraceful- and there is only so much hold-in knickers can do. Those of you that are regular readers will be all too aware of my 2006 goal of Running Around The Lake Faster Than Those Age Sixty And Up. I fear I may have to set myself a similar goal this year. There is Lake Ontario down the road but I would need an entire management team to work out the logistics of that one so instead I have decided to keep up with my walking around Old Whitby and mix it up with a bit of jogging for the laugh. This evening saw my first excursion. While I was stomping around the town scaring children with my red, sweaty face, heavy breathing and complete lack of fashion sense I trundled past the local hair saloooon. Obviously it was a sign so I jogged on in completely incapable of stopping seeing as my muscles were running on autopilot..or were starting to sieze up, one or the other. Anyway as I was thundering in I noticed a sign reading, "2006 Canadian Salon of the Year", (2006 was obviously the year for bettering oneself) and as I came to an abrupt stop at the counter I was almost blinded by the glare from receptionist wan's hair. Never have I seen salon staff with such fabulous, glowing, amazing hair. To hell with print advertising, they should just plant the staff on the street and hand out sunglasses. Seeing as the staff were oh-so-beautiful and the big sign was still saying "2006 Canadian Salon of the Year" I figured I was at the right place. There I stood leaning on the counter like a war veteran would a crutch, sweating over the dry flower arrangement and wheezing out my name. I had almost regained my composure until I saw the price list. There'll be no eating in this house for a few weeks I tell you. Which is good as I need to get to work fast on looking 'fabulous' for my appointment.

2007-10-08T02:53:00.000+01:00

Thanksgiving!

I was having far too much fun last night to take many pictures. But I shall post the limited few that I took! Thanksgiving dinner was held at Sarah and Jay's house with assorted family members and friends turning up! We had food, drinks, hockey game games and so much fun,. A pretty impressive and memorable first Thanksgiving.

Cooking Phase 4 , Auxillary Team, Oshawa Division, in action
Over the course of the day we experienced two storms. The second storm was spectacular as lightning shot across the sky for about an hour before a pelting hail storm moved in. Below you can see the size of the hail stones as it rests on one of the girl's hands. Now imagine thousands of those coming at you. Scary, huh?

The feast. I only got around to taking one picture of the food, (and that's not even all of it below), as the raving savages that we are ensured little to no food was left. Some people made absolute pigs of themselves. I shall not point any fingers.

Sienna with her godmother, Jamie

There are times when the love of my life just baffles me and leaves me lost for words. Last night as people fought over white meat, brown meat or legs, Ian was busy rummaging through the innards of the turkey looking for the heart and liver. I was able to distract him for a few seconds to capture the image of his plate. The below can be regarded as his appetizer, a little piece of heaven, even to him. Absolutely revolting to me.

The Thanksgiving Table. I love the scattered leaves.

Grandad Jim with a rather shell shocked looking Sienna.

Jay grappling with the might of the turkey

Me with my first Thanksgiving turkey

Ian working on his Gordon Ramsay impression.

The most unflattering photo of Jamie, me and Shannon. I blame the photographer- no Mario Testino.

Sienna and Jim. Great picture! The defintion of happiness.

Ian made it as far as Jay and Sarah's bed. This photo was taken moments after Ian was almost decapitated after standing too high on the bed resulting in the room fan blades shot over his head. I think it was all the gel in his hair, creating the "brick" effect that saved his life.

Even the poor dog was pooped. Here is Tyson passed out at the bottom of the stairs.

2007-10-04T03:55:00.001+01:00

Look!

I finally got to see a real General Store. I had plans to go in and set up a slate but god damn it they were out of business. Paying attention to the name, anyone think that the owners were Irish?!

This is an odd little picture. Ian passes this on his way to work so while zipping by I managed to catch this shot. People are tying shoe wear to the tree without much of an explanation. Odd, yet interesting.

2007-10-04T03:02:00.000+01:00

Allo Allo

"The Tudors" was mediocre at best. A rather odd choice in lead casting and a scene or two nicked from "A Man For All Seasons".

Sigh.

However our cable is working like a dream. It is a little slice of heaven to have hundreds of channels at my fingertips. I am rather enamoured with time delay programming. To explain- we pick up the same channels from 150 on but from British Colombia, so seeing as they are a few hours behind us, if I miss a show I can catch it at a later time. This was included in our package deal to prevent Ian and I killing each other. No one comes between me and 'America's Next Top Model' and the same can be said for Ian and his love of sports. Therefore, Domestic War should be at Danger Level-Green for the next few weeks, at least.

Today I was at a conference for work. Forget the conference! It paled in comparison to the food on offer. The event was being held at the Carlu in downtown Toronto. It's a swanky little place so I dressed to the nines and put on my best pouty face with my best killer heels to fit in with all the Marketing gurus. However, once my friend and I saw the food on offer all decorum went out the window as we loaded our plates to such an extent that observers would be forgiven for thinking a famine was fast approaching. Once the conference was done, we just HAD to go shopping. Hey, the conference was done early, we were downtown what else was there to do!? People, I cracked. I am ashamed to say I cracked. I KNOW Ugg boots are not fashionable in Europe anymore, but everyone has them here ( bear in mind North America is at least one season behind Europe fashionably) and they will keep my feet warm during winter and they look lovely under my three quarter length jeans and they aren't real Uggs and I had to buy them a size too big as they are flying out of stores and they only had one size in the colour I wanted and I love them and here they are. And before all the Canadians say something, yes, I know not to wear them in snow.

Ian and I travelled North last weekend to see the turning of the leaves. Magnificent. Sadly our photographic skills are not so magnificent and the resulting pictures fail to display the true beauty of an Ontario Fall. Nevertheless you are getting a look at some of them. You just know that I would be one of those annoying neighbours that would invite the whole street over to see my 'holiday snaps'. 'Here I am by the sun lounger, here I am on the sun lounger, here I am falling off the sun lounger, here is the sun lounger on its own, here I am with the waiter and the sun lounger...'. I really must do something like that soon........ repeats of annoying pictures but each with a humorous anecdote. Anyway, Fall pictures below

While on our Autumnal Tour, we came across a few stud farms. One had this young colt running around like a mad man so I felt compelled to stop and photograph Ian getting his finger eaten by a horse. A beautiful colt. I'd have stolen him if there had been room on the backseat.

We stopped at a farm to buy fresh bumbleberry pie (drool...) and while paying I noticed they had a pumpkin patch!! Even though I knew pumpkins grew in a patch, I had never really put two and two together. I was flabbergasted to see pumpkins growing on the ground. Again, for the North Americans, you would have to walk a long way to see a pumpkin patch in Ireland, so this was quite the eye opening experience. I think Ian feels he is with a child at times, such is my fascination with the simple things in life.

I cannot convey how excited I am to have my very first Thanksgiving this weekend! Hopefully one of the above pumpkins will be in my pie

2007-10-03T02:00:00.001+01:00

"The Tudors" is premiering right now on CTV. I may pee with excitement. I'll be back in an hour

2007-09-26T02:18:00.000+01:00

Blug Enteree

I can't think of anything to write about. I believe the professionals have a name for it. The creative writing professionals, not the psychological.

Oh! I read something funny today. One of the guys at work has injured his hamstring. Instead of going to a doctor it was agreed by a unanimous vote ( from a bunch of people that have trouble telling aspirin and gaviscon apart), that the internet would obviously provide all the treatment options he would ever need. It was quickly decided that perhaps the Internet was not the right route to take when we came across a page that directed the injured to avail of painkillers and ice packs and see how they felt after their leg fell off. That, funnily enough, wasn't the disturbing part, instead it was the assumption that the reader was an idiot. The author of the piece decided to list the phonetic pronuniation of the medications, always a help. They read like this-

You may use ibuprofen (i-bew-pro-fin) and acetaminophen (uh-c-tuh-min-o-fin)

The above is helpful. We learn to pronounce the words correctly.

The next one is an insult to anyone with an ounce of literacy-

Your caregiver may want you to go to physical (fiz-ih-kull) therapy

I am very happy to have been made aware of the correct pronunciation of 'physical'. I was absent the day we learned our 'phy-' words in 4th Class...age 10.

2007-09-18T02:41:00.000+01:00

Today-

*I spilled coffee over my boss
*Lost my security pass
*Lost some of my subway tokens
*Yelled at people on the subway escalator..they deserved it
*Got home 2 hours late as someone was killed east of Toronto by one of the commuter trains, resulting in my line being shut down, bringing rush hour commuters to their knees. Not the first time this summer. Quite a number of people take the 'leaping in front of a train' option when deciding to end it all.

Delightful.

I should just change the name of this blog to "Eileen's Commuting Adventures"

To make myself feel better I decided to go to McDonalds. I now feel worse. Bleurgh.

2007-09-12T01:36:00.000+01:00

Toronto Tightens Trousers....maybe

I am mystified as to how Toronto city is verging on broke. It's the financial capital of Canada. It controls Canada's money. The streets are teeming with merchant bankers. Bay Street is literally made of money. Taxes are high. Housing is expensive. Blowing your nose is probably taxed, yet, the city does not have any money. Various services have been cut, the subway faces line closures and increased prices and there is increasing pressure to increase home and vehicle taxes.

Someone needs to get hold of the city accounting books and have a good read of them. Are they getting 5th Graders to do their accounting? Obviously, not the kids on the show 'Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader?', as they have proven themselves time and time again that they are indeed smarter than the American adult population.

2007-09-06T02:34:00.000+01:00

So I got the video up after a lifetime of trying and never bothered to comment on it. This is what technology does to me. It takes so long to 'work things out' that I am too bored/tired/apathetic to act on the result when it FINALLY appears. I have been trying to load videos for the last 3 weeks and each time they failed. I understand "videoing" is still at the experimental level with Blogger but they did nothing but tease me for three whole weeks. I even purposely left the house looking for things to record and that was when I discovered there wasn't all that much going on and that there was no way the camera had enough space for me to do the artsy "American Beauty' plastic bag in the air thing. So I captured part of my commuter trip from Toronto to Whitby. Every morning and evening the train runs along the banks and beaches of Lake Ontario and each time it never fails to take my breath away. Early in the morning I watch the sun start to peak over the surface while on the way home the blue of the water seems to stretch forever. On sunny days, the water is a cornflower blue whereas on stormy days it is an angry swirling mass of grey. My moment of Zen is always welcome on my trip home seeing as I usually sharing the carriage with the extras from 'Grease". There are three ladies that take the same train as me each working day and they do not know the meaning of 'inside voices'. They roar at the tops of their voices about how great their kids are. Such oral treats range from, 'I just had to buy this book for little Emily. She's only 1 but has such a grasp of English and loves monkeys and communicates with her big words and hasn't signed in months and might join Mensa and is a genius and is sprinting not walking and will definitely start ballet tomorrow and we will so tell the Bolshoi about her and she will obviously be top of her class and she pooed solids today' to 'Jack learned French in two days'. Well, maybe not quite, but the basic premise of their conversations is to bash the other Mom's kids and operate as one woman advertising billboards for their little darlings. I am quite sure that little Emily and Little Jack are still lying horizontal and a long way from vertical stances. Therefore, I do not care about the antics of their offspring and don't wish to be unwillingly exposed to them. Ah yes, I mentioned that they look like they are all 'Grease' extras. I shall explain. Remember Rizzo? Yeah? Well these three ladies look like they are modeling themselves on her. Same giant hair, same make up, same walk, same voice same everything and it drives me mental. Anyday now I am expecting the three of them to launch into the Grease Megamix.

2007-09-06T00:24:00.000+01:00

Quebec!

I indulged in some extreme cottaging this Labour Day weekend. Those of you that know me are only too aware of my penchant for comfortable living. Therefore the notion of camping/ staying in a cottage for a whole weekend without running water is enough to send me running to the Ritz Carlton just to make sure all is right with the world. (Reading back over that sentence would make one think I was dripping Cartier and Gucci whereas I am more commonly draped in Accessorize and H&M). Anyway, the love of my life had signed me up for a weekend of outhouses and lake water and I was none too happy about that situation and regularly vocalised my disdain for such a trip over the course of the week. I think my moaning went along the lines of, "I work my backside off so don't want to waste my weekend off searching for water" and "What do you think I am? A Neanderthal?". All wonderful points, but nothing was deterring Ian. We were going and that was the end of it. The cottage belongs to the parents of a friend of Ian and is located in Quebec. The thought of getting to hear and blabber some French for a few days certainly played an important role in convincing me to go. So, on Friday evening after work, with my work colleagues wishing me God speed, Ian and I took off to Ottawa, full throttle ahead. And then we came to a stop as traffic was so ridiculous. This is something that fascinates me about Canadians. They must be the only people in the world that will willingly sit in their cars for hours and hours on end just to drive from one of the major Canadian cities to the middle of nowhere to spend two days cleaning, painting and restocking their cottage only to get back into their cars and resume the same ridiculous journey home. It's not like their cities are heavily polluted, overcrowded or filthy. It just seems to be the done thing to have a cottage on the side of a lake to visit of a weekend while risking a coronary from going mental with traffic. Each to their own I guess. The Irish either do a summer house on the West coast ( complete with gale force winds that will rip the paint of the front wall for free) or in the South of Spain along with all your neighbours from the estate back home. At least the Irish get to fly....even if it is with Ryanair.

Anyway back to the cottage. Once we got to Ottawa we stayed overnight with Ian's friend and his girlfriend and the next morning set off for Quebec. It was quite exciting to drive to the province and see all signs in French and noticing that driving skills travel well from one continent to another. The French in France appear to have taught the French in Quebec that driving like a madman, shaking your fist, yelling out the window and disregarding every single traffic law ever slapped on paper is the only way to drive. However, we got there alive. Instead of droning on and on and on and... I will post some pictures of the weekend and comment.

GODDAMMIT!! The pictures are REFUSING to appear in chronological order. Stupid technology. I shall persevere.

Below we have the outhouse. The only negative aspect of the loo with the view was the rather disconcerting breeze up my bum each time I sat on it. Still though, how pretty a walk is it to the outhouse. Perfection...of some odd sort.

The interior of aforementioned outhouse complete with double ply toilet paper. Always nice to have a little hint of luxury to distract you from thinking about all the spiders crawling up your bottom.

Ryan was CONVINCED that he had shards of glass stuck between his teeth. However, after careful inspecting by his wife, Helen, it was determined that he had a chipped tooth as a result of drinking his beer from the bottle without using his hands. Deeerrr.

I was in bed when the trolls were brought out. Apparently there was an impromptu photo session. This is the cleanest photo I could find. The other pictures are not suitable for public viewing.

Seeing as we were cooking outside ( of course when I say 'we' you know that doesn't include me... I am to cooking what Posh Spice is to Mensa), and would need to light a fire each night ( dropping temperatures) it was necessary to cut some firewood. The men present had quite the fun time hacking wood to pieces. They all made sterling efforts, even Ryan, who made a swing at a log with the blunt end. The picture below shows Ian prepping for a chop with the cabin in the background. It's not finished yet, hence the lack of siding. It was also amusing to watch them throw the smaller axe at tree trunks, tomahawk style. At least they had fun.......................

Cooking, for the most part, was done outdoors by Marty and Karina. Note me sitting at a safe distance. I can burn food just by looking at it.

Mental picture. Apparently the cobweb effect thingies contain tent caterpillars that soon will plop to earth from the trees and clear Quebec of its vegetation. Aren't they adorable.

If you can get around the image of Marty on a rock with the beer you can see where we went swimming. I have regained feeling in my limbs again. It was ever so cold. I insisted I was fine with roars of, "Shur aren't I Irish! We wash in wathhher like this".

Artsy fartsy fire shot by not so artsy fartsy Ian

Despite all my moaning I had a very enjoyable weekend. It was incredible to sit out in the silence of the day on the wing bench reading my book while simultaneously stuffing my face with junk food making it all the more difficult to remove myself from the swing bench. I even got to grips with the outhouse and the lack of a shower. That said I was rather pleased to have a wash on Monday- the hypothermic conditions of the lake didn't do a lot for me. However, the most fin was had from all of us playing Cranium. If there is one board game to get this year, this is it. It is the best game I have played in years.

2007-08-29T03:59:00.000+01:00

I went clothes shopping on Saturday. N.I.G.H.T.M.A.R.E Sometimes I think I really am a man as I detest clothes shopping. How on earth can trying on clothes be considered fun or therapy. You spend half an hour picking out something to try on, another 15 minutes trying to work out your size, give up and bring in all sizes with you only for the Power Hound at the changing room door inform you that you can only bring in 4 items to which you throw an almighty strop, bring in the 4 items, try them on, realise you have vastly underestimated what size you are, force the items on anyway, penguin waddle your way out to the Hound with vast quantities of flesh on show to get the other 4, waddle back in fearing death by lack of oxygen if you don't get the tighties off soon, try on the other 4 and almost drown in the sea of material, consider the fact that no one makes clothes in your size, give up, leave the store, get a coffee and sit staring with hatred at anyone that has correctly fitted clothing on themselves.

However, the Gap came up trumps for me. The changing room goon was rather ungoon like, more gay like and took great joy in dressing me, flitting from changing room to floor in quite the bouncy fashion. I think he was a little disappointed that I only purchased one item. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I only wanted one pair of pants not the entire Fall collection.

I ventured to the swanky Yorkville area of Toronto. The closest I got to Versace jeans was leaving my breath mark on their very clean window. Not anymore it ain't.

2007-08-29T03:49:00.000+01:00

Commuter Observations

If you are going to stand on the left side of the subway escalator get the hell out of my way when I come torpedoing behind you trying to catch my train.

If the door says "pull" it is highly unlikely that it will "push".

Please have your subway tokens or passes ready before you reach the machine so I can actually make it to my train some time this decade.

Stop bringing toddlers and push chairs on crammed subways during rush hours. No one appreciates it and you only give yourselves high blood pressure making sure little Jimmy doesn't get the wrong end of a briefcase across the face.

The door that says "Entry" does not become "Exit" simply because you are in a rush.

Coffee guy at the commuter train station- you rock. At 6.30am you always have a smile for me and that I appreciate.

2007-08-17T04:38:00.000+01:00

Ian's Niece's Christening

Ian's little niece was christened a few weeks ago and here is the photographic evidence. Her squished up little face hides the fact that she is quite the adorable rugrat and enjoys posing for pictures. It was one hell of a hot summer day so Ian was out of his shirt and trousers combo as soon as the pastor ended the prayer marathon. I, however, chose to remain in christening chic.

2007-08-14T01:40:00.000+01:00

Urgh

Our apartment building is full of drunk old men. It adds that certain je ne sais quoi to an evening sitting on the balcony hearing the thump thump of drunken stumbles, uncouth belching and inane yelling at the main door security system.

2007-08-09T04:51:00.000+01:00

And..............

And the mail people also returned the geographically challenged package to the wrong address.

2007-08-09T04:39:00.001+01:00

Geography Ralph Wiggum Style

So I sent a package to England last week. On the package I addressed it to "England" and on the custom declaration form I wrote "United Kingdom"

The package was returned to me with a note saying that I needed to specify a country in order to facilitate international delivery.

What in the name of all that is good and holy are people taught in schools here. I have repeatedly explained to so called well educated Canadians that I am NOT British or English, that I am in fact Irish with many of them failing to notice the difference. Even more horrifying is that a substantial number are unaware of a sea separating Ireland and the United Kingdom.

2007-08-09T04:23:00.000+01:00

Calling Blog Care Services

Were this blog a child it would be extracted from my care by social services on the grounds of abandonment and I would be slapped with jail time, no doubt. However, like the well prepared accused I do have an excuse- Moving. It took a lot out of Ian and I, probably more so me seeing as I would rather give over a limb than actually indulge in the insanity that is shipping ones life from one outpost to another. Nevertheless it has been done- furniture is in place, only a few bits and pieces are lacking and some boxes are still lying unwanted on the floor with ne'er a sign of ever being unpacked. I have, however, discovered that I am residing with Martha Stewart. My wonderful Ian has become chef extraordinaire and is hell bent on creating a 'cosy home' whether I want one or not. There has been talk of wall hangings, accent walls and other such nonsense. I am from the school of simplicity or, or in chic fashion lingo, "minimalism" and so am not too pushed about the placement of various pictures on the walls. The only area of decorating that I will wield my fist of iron in will be that to do with the hanging of my black and white pictures from Vietnam. They shall be placed with the precision of an art gallery wannabe.

Moving might have been a little smoother had the mattress delivery men been able to tell the difference between queen and double. The mattress fits but the box spring might be able to sleep one of Snow White's dwarfs at a push. I have no idea how such people manage to get jobs. Before anyone asks why I didn't complain at the initial moment of delivery I must add that Ian and I were not here and that it was Mrs. King who had the 'joy' of dealing with Canada's Worst Delivery Ma. She questioned the size to which the mattress cretin said "Well I can't do anything about it". It seems we would have to magic up the mattress delivery fairies. Mind you it did feel good yelling down the phone at a store representative. Deeeelightful. I like yelling.

2007-07-26T04:13:00.000+01:00

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

I have been a busy little bee over the last few days and have failed miserably to get the jumbled events in my head onto ye olde bloge. There are lots of things for me to get around to such as Sienna's christening, mattress shopping, stereotyping, packing, moving, work and so much more. However, lazyitis has gotten the better of me and so I shall put finger to key upon the morrow and give this blog a kickstart.

2007-07-20T02:21:00.001+01:00

Bleurgh

Eileen is not feeling well. Churning stomach. Nausea. The works. Praying I don't have the nasty stomach flu doing the rounds. I cannot get sick. Tomorrow sees lunch with my team at Milestones.

2007-07-18T00:50:00.000+01:00

Mr. T

Tim Horton's Coffee

The Canadian eau de vie. A rather cheap lifeline when compared to its competitors.

2007-07-17T03:45:00.001+01:00

Kawffee

I noticed today that under the name of my blog there is the suggestion that I can offer invaluable Canadian tips. I haven't yet mastered the art of catching a moose. That is still a work in progress. So part of the tagline is redundant. Possibly false advertising, but when I catch my moose and wow you with my tales of entrapment, then who'll be laughing? Eh?

Instead I shall offer Canadian tip #534.

Canadians cannot function without at least one Tim Hortons a day. It's the other food group. The other white meat. The other giver of life. The other main vein. The preferred alternative to illegal substances. The obliteration of Tim Hortons would bring about the rather prompt fall of Canadian society.

Oh you can laugh.

But it's true.

2007-07-17T03:26:00.000+01:00

The Shame.

This morning I fell asleep on the commuter train. Not just any ol' attempt at sleeping- it was full on snoring and drooling sleeping. Normally, I reserve such a display for the assembled duvet and pillow audience, but not this time. Canadians are such a polite bunch, at least the people sitting around me, that no-one gave me a nudge to wake me up or to shut me up. I cut quite the stylish figure what with my face pressed against the window of the carriage, giving my snores, what I can only imagine to be, a beautiful echoing quality. I awoke with a start when the annoucer yelled, (he must have known I was perfecting my Sleeping Beauty impersonation), over the intercom that we had arrived in Union Station. I shot up in my seat, hair akimbo, make up successfully transferred to window, mouth wide open, with strand of saliva connecting my tongue to said window. And people wonder what Ian sees in me.

My trip home was much more successful. I was aware that I did not stand a chance against the might of sleep so I cleverly set my alarm to ring at 5.25pm, leaving me a full 5 minutes to arrange myself before arrival at Whitby. However, I had forgotten that I had set my alarm to nerve shattering loud so when the offensive little thing went off in my hand, I threw it from my fist in shock right onto the lap of the gentleman sitting opposite me.

My Go Train image is in tatters

2007-07-16T04:16:00.000+01:00

It fell off the back of a lorry

Today I acquired "Chanel" sunglasses, (think wearing saucers over your eyes rather than actual glasses) for $13 from a Flea Market. They may or may not be lifted goods. To be honest I would not be surprised if they aren't "Chanel" and more "Channel". I have come across a number of items in the last week that have unknown origins. Take for example the brand name cosmetics I found at a store that suddenly appeared in the mall near work- 70% off without any explanation. Packaging was still intact, cosmetics didn't burn the skin off my face so what was wrong with them? I am on a misson.

Saw Parry Hotter last night. I nearly fell asleep. Nothing really happened. What's with this new broodier Parry? I understand the book is darker and choc full of activity but the movie failed to brew even the smallest hint of interest. Also, the fact that there was so much Coca Cola on the floor from the previous person meant that I had little to no grip on the floor and kept sliding off my seat. In a final act of desperation I used cinema literature to glue my shoes to the floor. That'll learn the cinema staff to keep their auditoriums clean- you try scraping up a combination of the world's sugariest (sp?) drink, paper, cinema tile and a fascinating blend of dirt.

We may be going to see We Will Rock You this coming weekend. And for all the smartasses out there, yes it will have the Best of Queen (minus Mr. Mercury..unless it's been a hoax all these years), raising the roof. I hope I can sing along. I love to sing. Ask Ian. I am never in tune, but imagine all the singing along I could do at a Queen themed musical. It would be neverending.

I was very disappointed not to find any fleas at the Flea Market. Although judging the state of some of the vendors I would imagine the arrival of said fleas to be rather imminent.

2007-07-14T03:43:00.000+01:00

Robots in Disguise

I went to see Transformers this week. People, ( by people I mean 30 year old men who played with Transformers when they were 6 and should know a lot better by now), started clapping and cheering when Optimus Prime appeared on screen and could barely contain their squeaks of joy whenever original Transformer power lines were uttered.

That said, it's not half bad.

2007-07-11T00:50:00.000+01:00

Toronto, boring?

Eventful day. I saw the burnt out remains of the SUV that tore into a large truck on the 401 Expressway causing all Eastbound lanes to be shut down for a number of hours. I narrowly missed chaos on the subway when someone fell onto the tracks causing the system to be shut down for half an hour. I watched a girl in front of me get mugged at my subway stop and stared in shock as the mugger ran off with her possessions.

Toronto. It's great!

2007-07-05T02:46:00.000+01:00

As heard on the GO Train this morning

A woman describing her first trip to Europe to a friend. Said woman visited London, Paris and Malaga. In a week.

"Well, having seen all of Europe, I have to say I think Paris is Europe's best city"

"Spain is really boring. There is nothing to do there"

"I didn't go to Madrid but I can tell you it is full of drugs and prostitutes. It's really dangerous, don't go there".

2007-07-05T02:29:00.000+01:00

Slow News Week

It's been a slow one. I could probably find something to write about, but to be honest each night after work the last thing I want to do is blog. I can't even email... although I do make time to stalk someone on Facebook. However I shall soldier on. Pat on the back what, what.

Canada Day came and went on Sunday. The high point of the day was getting a dose of high powered runs compliments of some dodgy sushi and watching a new episode of "Entourage". I know. Wild. On Saturday we got a beautiful Italian duvet reduced from $400 to $99..bargain. Apparently it is "discontinued". Not for me it ain't. I also stained our coffee table. It is now the hue of Early America. At least according to the tin it is. The clear coat hasn't gone on yet so lord knows what shade of America it will eventually resemble. However, I am pretty proud of my first attempt at home decorating.

Work is work. I am still at the learning stage, which is frustrating as I am keen to get my teeth into a project and get this career moving.

I have become a commuter rat joining in the daily ritual of pushing people out of my way and snorting at those that are incapable of breaking land speed records to catch the subway. I am horrible at 730 am in downtown Toronto. Should you wish to say Hi or hit me back with your briefcase I am the person dodging 'amblers' and snarling at those attempting to overtake me.

It's fun.

The highlight of last week was getting a belt tie for my work security card. It attaches to my belt and can be dragged a full 3 feet from its protective casing before popping back into place. To say it has brought me endless hours of entertainment would be an understatement.

2007-06-26T00:52:00.000+01:00

He ain't heavy. He's Ian.

Ian seeing me with a pen placed in my ponytail-

"I wish I had long hair so I could put pens in there. I could be a pencil case. Could you fit an eraser up there?".

Ambitious.

2007-06-26T00:34:00.000+01:00

Front Wheel Cow

Actually when thinking brisket, don't think arse end, think flank area. This is all according to Wikipedia. ............ If you want to trust the people who actualy WROTE AN ENTRY INTO AN ENCYCLOPEDIA ABOUT COW MEAT, be my guest.

Moo.

2007-06-26T00:22:00.001+01:00

Early. Bird. Worm. Catch

There have been some questions relating to my sanity over the last few days, possibly prompted by the news that I am out of bed and fully functioning at 530 in the morning. I can assure you my actions are sane and with reason. I have chosen to start work as early as I possibly can so I can get home as early as I possibly can each evening. At the moment I am starting at 8am and finshing up around 4-430 getting me home for 6. Some of you may be aware of the jokes doing the rounds concerning Torontonians and how they complain about neverending commutes. People should not makes jokes. This is a serious and real matter! For those that choose not to live in the heart of Toronto and get their paycheck ripped from their hands each month to pay for adequate housing, the downside is commuting. Luckily Toronto and GTA folk set up a pretty swiffy commuter train that transports a few hundred thousand people a day and a subway system, which like all subway systems in the world, has more nut jobs than I have hairs on my head.

So in conclusion, my sanity is intact, I am getting up out of bed in time, I am really enjoying this job.

More to come on the job front at a later date.

As for brisket. I still have no idea what it is. I presume we have a piece of meat the exact same as brisket , only with a different name, in Europe. Think huge chunk of meat from the arse end of a cow. What is that called?

2007-06-25T00:13:00.000+01:00

Lazzzeeeeee

There will be a great, big, long, boring description of my first week at work, what I do, where I do it, how I do it, how it is treating me and how I am treating it. In the coming week. Getting up for work at 530am and getting home for 630pm has been a little bit of a shock to the system so I shall be a little more accustomed to my farmer like early morning rising shocker in the next few days.

This weekend was spent lying on my rear end moaning as I had contracted a little cold. No doubt due to all the air conditioning......... and work.

Today we went to MoSport to watch cars chase each other around a piece of cement. I brought a book. It would have been fun had there not been trees sapping on me. And bugs flying around. And bees.

Barbeque chez King tonight. I must go eat my body weight in salad, dip and brisket. No idea what brisket it. I shall report back on its status.

2007-06-18T01:36:00.000+01:00

Hurrah!

I am ever so happy. Paul Potts won Britain's Got Talent. I am very pleased for this very unassuming little guy from Wales. Go the Welsh!

It was also a Hurrah! week for me as I finally set up a bank account here, got myself a swanky cell phone and managed to locate a few work clothes that should fit the "respectable" bill. Of course, locating said clothes was not as easy as expected as stores were lacking in my size. I can only presume that it is the popular size. I am convincing myself that is so.

I start work tomorrow. I shall be up and about at 530am. No doubt you can sense the excitement.

Must go back to watching the Much Music Awards, (think MTV Video Awards. In Toronto. Obviously.)

2007-06-13T14:56:00.001+01:00

Score!

For something crude and rude, yet laugh out loud, may I recommend "Knocked Up"for your viewing pleasure. Hilarious movie, with the odd tender moment.

I think this one tops my 'Best of....Summer 2007' List. Although, it's not that great a feat when you consider the competition.

2007-06-13T04:08:00.000+01:00

Sensational.

Every so often you hear something beautiful. This guy, a very humble unassuming individual had the power to make tears run down my face.

Beautiful.

2007-06-08T17:51:00.000+01:00

Head High!

Last night Ian and I went for a few drinks with some people from his college course. One guy had his girlfriend with him, both of whom were eager to hear about my experiences in Canada and comparisons with Ireland. The following discussion ensued,

Girl It must be great in bars with your accent!

Me Huh?

Girl Lots of guys must chat you up because of your Irish accent. A friend has arrived from England and everytime we are out with her, guys line up to talk with her and get her number

Me That has never happened to me

Girl Oh..............................

Well, I felt great last night.

Egoboostastic.

2007-06-07T16:25:00.000+01:00

Joke

What's Mr. T's favourite yoghurt?

A Petit Filous!

I have not been able to stop laughing! It's comic genius

2007-06-07T03:52:00.000+01:00

Stanley Cup!

Over the last few nights I have been watching the ice-hockey playoffs for the Stanley Cup. And I have to say I have really enjoyed watching them. I have only ever glanced at games in the past so know little to nothing about the sport, other than it is very fast, very technical and demands high levels of skill from its players. So, No Hockey Knowledge Me was watching the games between the Ottawa Senators and the Anaheim Ducks and was intrigued by a Ducks player by the name of Niedermayer. His movement on the ice, his skill in the game and his ability to work his opponents drew my eye. I liked what I saw, and, in particular liked how effortlessly he game skated.

I was rather pleased with my observations when Niedermayer was voted MVP, (Most Valuable Player) and his team won the Stanley Cup. I could be a scout! YAH!

I must dig out the pictures of me and the cup, (or should that read, "the cup and I"?), for memories and what not. Another trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame is due.

P.S. The Stanley Cup is the equivalent of the UEFA/FA Cup in football and the Six Nations in rugby.

2007-06-06T02:56:00.000+01:00

Brrr

On Saturday the temperature was 32 celsius with sun. Today it dropped to 8 with rain. Welcome to Canada.

Ian and I went apartment hunting. I was in four layers of clothes and still felt the chill. I am in quite the spot of bother come Winter.

2007-06-04T20:38:00.000+01:00

Sand

Forgot to mention the anal relationship Ian has with sand.

While walking on a sandy beach at the lake, Ian kept stopping every few paces to SHAKE THE SAND OUT OF HIS SANDALS. Does anyone else find this as hilarious as me?

He was quite the happy camper when he managed to walk from the beach to the cottage without getting any sand in his sandals. The fact that he looked like an arthritic 80 year old trying not to get sand in his sandals was too funny for words.

I imagine he will dump me after reading this post.

2007-06-04T16:34:00.000+01:00

Lake Eerie

It would be so much easier to stick up a few photos and comment on them re: the weekend at Lake Eerie, but seeing as I forgot the camera, I no longer have the easy option. Mutter.

So, our weekend was fantastic. I really am getting old. Gone are the days where a weekend involving no sleep, bars, clubs and half the population of a city could entertain me. Now I want a comfortable chair, lights out at a decent hour and three square meals. I got just that for two whole days. Ian and I left chez nous on Friday afternoon with the car packed full of food and underwear. Seeing as I am new to the whole Canada experience, Ian and his parents discussed which expressway to take to the Lake. There are multiple options, the common one being the Road of Terror, aka the 401. However, seeing as it was a Friday afternoon, it was assumed that the 401 would be a nightmare and so it would be prudent to take the Toll 407. So off we went, 407 bound. Turns out we sat on a glorified parking lot for an hour. Traffic around Toronto at any point of any day is completely and utterly insane. So insane, that if there is a single little hiccup at any point on the expressway, all lanes suffer. Ian compares it to the Butterfly Effect. If someone brakes suddenly 20 miles ahead, the effect will vibrate its way back to the last car, increasing strength as it travels. In our case, there was a minor accident on the 407 involving a slight dent to one car from another. Both cars had pulled over to the side, freeing up traffic access, but because humans are nosy, everyone kept tapping their brakes to slow down for a look. The result was traffic slowed to almost a complete standstill adding an extra hour onto our journey. We moaned and complained but we still made sure we got a good gawk at the scene of the accident.

Once at the lake I regained my love of the countryside. Until all the bugs came at me. Seeing as it was dark when we arrived, we had no option other than to sit down and indulge in an Entourage marathon. I aspire to one day be as obnoxious as Ari Gold.

The following day I bossed Ian into making breakfast and afterwards we went for a walk on the beach. It was sunny and 32 degrees and Ian seemed convinced he was immune to skin cancer. He sat out in the sun for three hours and then ambled along the beach for another hour followed by another two hours just sitting on a chair in the sun. My pleas with him to put on some sun block were met with snorts of disgust. Was I not aware that his reddened arms would turn a golden brown? Did I not know that Ian isn't going to succumb to skin cancer?

As you can imagine I got in quite the snot with him. I understand that he naturally tans, but correct me if I am wrong here, but scorching your skin to turn brown makes zero medical sense whatsoever. I was pretty pissed with him for being so irresponsible, but of course, there was no talking to him. Instead I sat in the sun LATHERED in factor 45. I actually glowed with all the block I applied.... of course sand kept sticking to my lathered skin so I had quite the odd look going.

After breakfast we went for a walk on the beach. Never, ever, have I seen so many fish and bird skeletons as I saw on that beach. It was like being on Animal CSI. While ambling Ian found a bone in the sand. I can assure you that Grissom's job is quite safe as neither one of us could determine if it was human or not. We decided to lump it on Ian's Aunt's deck. Maybe she can determine what it is.

That night we continued our Entourage marathon. Aren't box set DVD's the best thing ever?

The next day was, unfortunately, grey, damp and not very sunworthy. Ian and I enjoyed breakfast, stuck our heads outside the door and pulled mine back in pretty quickly what with the dramatic increase in the mosquito population. Bleurgh. Seeing as there wasn't much point in sitting out in the rain, we started to clean the cottage and while doing so turned on the TV. On it was a show called "Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?"The concept of this show is to have adults answer questions relating to school subjects for those in Grade 5 and under with the potential of winning $1,000,000. It sounds very simple, but not so for some of the parents... and if I am being truthful, even myself. Most of the questions are pretty simple, but some can leave you in quite the pickle. Take for example the contestant I saw yesterday. She was asked what country has the largest border with the United States. The woman said Mexico.

Has she ever seen a map of North America? Really? How ditzy do you have to be to get that one wrong. How do you not know about the second largest country in the world to the north of you?

Gah.

Anyhoo, after that Ian and I returned to Toronto. With Ian almost having a child seeing as traffic wan't going to the speed he would have selected. Once home, I scratched all my bug bites and made them worse than they were.

2007-06-04T04:04:00.000+01:00

Lord in Himmel........

So, Ian and I went to Lake Eerie for the weekend. I shall talk more about that later on. I feel the most important thing to discuss right now is the blatant disregard the Ontario authorities have for the volume of human inbreeding in certain parts of the Trillium province. Allow me to explain. While driving to the lake Ian and I had a craving for Taco Bell. Yeah, I know. No need to lecture on the potential side effects. I know them all. But, the new cheese taco thing looked AMAZING on TV and we all know how easily swayed I am on certain things. I mean, hell, they look good on TV, so OBVIOUSLY they will be yummy in my tummy.

Ian and I stopped at a town enroute that had a Taco Bell. We were quite the ecstatic pair and almost blew up with excitement when we saw the Taco Bell sign. We pulled into the parking lot and merrily tottered in. I had to run to the bathroom first so let Ian join the queue. A toilet is a very good benchmark for any food establishment and this Taco Bell was sliding down the scale, (much like the edibles on offer). There was an inexplicable smell, one that nauseated and encouraged record breaking bladder evacuation and the fact that the toilet failed to flush, instead gurgling human excrement at me, had me in a quite the pickle. I quickly evacuated said bathroom and ran to the queue to find Ian lurking at the back of it with a rather dubious look on his face. A scan of the restaurant patrons revealed that all were from the same paternal line and that most, if not all, were suffering from some form of genetic trauma. There wasn't a functioning brain cell in the place. I am not exaggerating in any way. The genetic trouble did not stop at the patrons, it most certainly extended to the staff. Not willing to sacrifice our remaining intelligence out our digestive health, I am ashamed to say that we ran away from Taco Bell. In a fit of hysterical laughter.

The closest alternative was McDonalds. It was clean at least, but still demonstrated the need for sexual education and contraception in this particular blip on the population scale.

And don't get me started on parents that allow their children run riot in a public place. The sound of a three year old saying "Hello" over and over and over again like some moronic demon serves to augment the evidence of something not functioning all that well upstairs.

2007-05-31T01:17:00.000+01:00

Power Suit Me

I got a job. I am rather pleased with myself.

Go Team Me.

2007-05-30T02:49:00.000+01:00

Corporate Me

So I discovered the new format offered by Blogger and decided to take advantage of it. I noticed the Adsense option, ( you allow ads to be placed on your blog and you get paid for doing nothing apart from sitting on your backside typing furiously on a keyboard) , and decided to install it.

Now I have an ad for Hurricane Katerina charitable relief.

I am going to need something a little more profitable if I plan on retiring at 35

Nergh.

2007-05-28T16:40:00.000+01:00

Fish Watch

I think the Beta fish Ian has in a bowl is suicidal. The bowl is behind where I sit at the computer and all I have heard this morning have been little bursts of air bubbles from the demented fish. He sticks his little mouth above water, takes in a few gulps of air and then burps them out with all the charm of a newborn.

I hope he doesn't die on my watch.

2007-05-28T01:29:00.000+01:00

Summer Rubbish

Since the start of May I have seen the following movies-

Blades of Glory -perhaps if I was a hormonal 12 year old I might have laughed
Spiderman 3 -they went OTT with the black eyeliner and failed rockstar look
Shrek 3 -seems the scriptwriters have forgotten what "funny" means
Pirates of the Caribbean 3 -Oh my god. I cannot believe the script was allowed outside the studio

Not one of the above godforsaken attempts from the film industry comes close to defining entertainment. Don't bother wasting your money. Paint your wall and watch it dry instead. Perhaps cut your toe nails. Maybe even clean the hair from under your bed.
To add insult to injury we were charged an extra $2 to see the Pirates of the Caribbean as it was, apparently, in High Definition.

Spare me.

2007-05-26T02:49:00.000+01:00

Remember in "Pulp Fiction" the comparisons John Travolta drew with North America and Europe,... well not much the comparisons more the differences, via the medium of fast food? I have to agree with the Mad Scientologist. There aren't many huge or significant differences between Canada and Ireland, but there are little things can leave you in the quite the muddle.

Stores here in Canada stock more or less the exact same products as found in Ireland. However, Canadian marketing gurus have decided that packaging which sells perfectly well in Europe, OBVIOUSLY will never appeal to the Canadian consumer, so they have gone and changed it all. Or maybe they felt that Canadian packinging would never work in Europe. Neh. Either way, it had lead to me standing in stores, scratching my head wondering where the hell Herbal Essences has gone to and asking the store assistant, who now thinks I am an idiot, where everything is. For example. This is what Aussie Shampoo looks like in Ireland

And here is what it looks like in Canada.. well on this particular type.

See? I have to admit I am loving the purple packing. Makes it look less like a dollar store effort. Dear Lord I have sucummbed to the might of the marketing gurus!

I bought hair straightners today. Holy crap. They have ceramic plates coated in titanium. My hair feels like it could take on the might of one of those hair commercials where the models give themselves whiplash swinging their hair around.

L'oreal. Beacause I want a neck collar.

2007-05-15T23:41:00.000+01:00

Canada's Finest!

This is an illustrative example of the very tough job Ian has to contend with daily. Today, he had to drive the speedboat around a lagoon.

He's like Sean Connery in a schpeedboath

2007-05-15T21:31:00.000+01:00

It’s Abooot Time.

I have arrived. Canada, here I am. And what a tormented weather situation going on here. One day hot, next day cold and I AM BEING MOCKED FOR WEARING MY COAT WHEN IT IS COLD. Clothing etiquette defies just about everything here. Yesterday was a tad on the chilly side yet I passed a guy wearing shorts, a cut off shirt and flip-flops. Now, while he did have a rather impressive array of tattoos to show off, I was horrified at the amount of skin he was displaying in lukewarm weather.

Mutter.

So, getting here was relatively uneventful. Heathrow was Heathrow…. A mind-boggling sea of illogical thinking, Duty Free seems to have erased the “duty” and “free” aspects of the concept and communication barriers are loud and proud. . There was an unpleasant incident with my feta cheese tart- I couldn’t understand the waiter and he couldn’t understand me. I got my tart eventually but kept checking for an unsanitary or nasty little surprise.

I thoroughly recommend British Airways for all your aeronautical needs. A delightful airline complete with air stewards that fill you up with too much wine and compliment you on your perfume. Wonderful boys. However, Pearson airport wasn’t such a barrel of laughs. Immigration, as with all countries, is never a barrel of laughs. However, this was the first time that I was taken to one of those side rooms where you assume criminals are taken, not those on a valid work visa. I was asked to wait in an area with families from India and Pakistan among others. Fine you think, and find it would have been, had I not been left there without any information, without any guidance and without anyone even attempting to help me. Immigration Officers kept passing by ignoring my requests until finally a lovely female immigration officer approached me and asked, “Do you have a passport?”. The fact that I had just entered the country via an airplane was wasted. However, she instantly got into action and got me all visaed up.

Retrieving my bags was another matter. I love how airport personnel place charges on luggage carts. This is a reasonable action as it cuts down on inappropriate cart gatherings, however it really does not facilitate the traveler who doesn’t turn up with any local change. Then, to add insult to injury, you try getting change for that stupid cart machine. Yeah, it’s a rather large pain, particularly if you have to deal with the sour faced oompa loompa behind her bulletproof glass and the idiots that are oblivious to the queue concept.

Once out of the turmoil of international travel, things recovered themselves well… apart from the flood of tears when I saw Ian, (an odd blend of happiness, exhaustion and anger). So now that I am back on the old stomping ground it’s all good. Well, apart from the fact that I don’t have a job and am getting more and more depressed as the days go by. It’s one thing to have international experience, but quite another to have Canadian experience. It’s the old Catch 22 situation here and it is driving me nuts. I’m trying not to just settle for anything, instead utilizing the years and years I spent at university to some good use, and not falling foul to the immigrant trap.

Ian and I are getting on great, apart from his odd desire to see Spiderman 3. A film slated by critics. A film starring Tobey Maguire. Who should be slated with something solid. It is just me or is there something fiercely annoying about Mr. Maguire. However, in the name of international peace relations I have agreed to see it with Ian and two of his friends this week. The excitement just might kill me.

In shock news, Ian and I are considering buying bicycles to get fit. I know. Who would have thought? We have been walking lots, but Ian’s PC Plod pace does nothing for our relationship, so at least I can let him loose on Heber Downs, (local flora and fauna area) while I cycle around and around in circles on completely and utterly flat areas as I am loathe to pedal up a hill and too scared to freewheel down one. Well, the brakes could fail!

I shall write about my Orientation Day tomorrow as it is the finest definition of "ridiculous" I can think of.

2007-05-05T08:41:00.000+01:00

In a few hours I will be on my way to Heathrow and then to Toronto. A ridiculous flight path. If you don't understand, whip out a map and look at where Limerick, London and Toronto are. It's as if the pilot has started to fly in one directon, realises he has gone the wrong way and just slaps the plane into reverse hoping no one will notice.
I have noted that my posts of late have had all the characteristics of blog post starvation, ( a treatable disease once detected early), and hope to have a little time to spare once arrived in Canada to do a little update. Seeing as Ian is a working man and I am neither, I will dedicate Monday morning to blogging. Expect a rant about an airline, the people they employ, and the loss of my baggage.

It's going to be an exciting one.

2007-04-25T19:17:00.000+01:00

Only two more days and I am finished work. To say I am "winding down" would be an understatement. I am moving around the office with all the speed of a slug taking a leisurely slide with the efficiency of a hanging sloth. Indeed, productive. Tomorrow, I will have a staff lunch with my team and some of the girls and, then, Friday sees my leaving do. I am prepping the camera for shame inducing pictorials. It shall not be given to anyone else unless they promise to take flattering pictures of me. A flawless plan!

Once all that is done, I will have to get around to doing some packing. An activity I LOATHE. So much so that I would not be shocked if I start binning things so I don't have to pack them and drag them to Limerick and then all the way to Canada! Aaahhh laziness.

Of course my actual arrival into Canada is under serious doubt at the moment. I have a visa...... somewhere in the world. I haven't recieved any paper stating that I have been approved for entry into Canada. If I don't get this piece of paper soon I have zero proof that I have a visa waiting for me in Canada, therefore prohibting me from gaining entry to Canadialand.

And can I get any response from the people who are supposed to be dealing with it? But of course not.

2007-04-08T23:18:00.000+01:00

Bleurgh

I ate so much chocolate today ( as well as Easter Sunday lunch and Easter Sunday dinner, followed by Easter Sunday drinks and Easter Sunday coffees), that I have been forced to pop a Motillium and some antacid pill to ease the churning, the pain and the will to end it all. I think I will have a little lie down and reflect on my blatant abuse of one of the Seven Deadly Sins- Gluttony.

Spent the day with my Gran. She is quite the funny little poppet- she has a very kind, innocent view of the world, only telling happy, positive stories about people, no matter how devious a conman they are. Recently, she got satellite TV installed and so has been enjoying the pleasures of multiple channels. She is coming to terms, albeit slowly, with the sudden appearance of two remote controls. One is for operating the TV itself with terrestrial channels and the other is to control satellite channels. Gran doesn't quite see it that way. She refers to the terrestrial remote as her "shortwave remote" and the satellite one as her "longwave remote". It is very sweet, yet also, oddly logical for a person that was raised with only radio as a form of entertainment. Keep it familiar is what I say.

We also took her on a tour of all the graves. Once you get to her age, it's good to keep in with the relatives who've passed on before you- you always need someone to save you a decent seat with the dude upstairs. She is the only lady who enjoys these little trps. There is a lot I could learn from her- from finding the silver lining in every single situation, whether good or bad to making people drink so much tea against their will that they want medical attention

2007-04-08T15:39:00.000+01:00

Large Female Ape Hands Sighted in Rural Area- Easter Shocker

Isn't that below image just plain terrifying... people MOISTURISE or your hands will end up like mine. I slapped another coffee jar worth of Dead Sea mud onto my hands in an attempt to remove fake tan from the palms of my hands, ( covered myself in fake tan and forgot to wash my hands.. looks like my hands are from Portugal and the rest of me from Siberia). Once, the mud dried, I captured the below picture. It highlights how wrinkled and worn my hands are. And that I am second cousin, twice removed to an ape.

It is worth noting, that my hand situation did improve somewhat once I had removed the mud. They don't have quite as terrifying an appearance as when encased in mud, instead presenting a slighty more human aspect that leaves one questioning ones potential ape blood lines.

2007-04-07T20:38:00.000+01:00

Mud Mud Everywhere..............

My parents spent a few weeks in Jordan enjoying the Eastern sun, hypersaline sea and mineral sand. Seeing as they were at the Dead Sea for a number of days and had tired of endless floating, Indiana Jones sets and gorging on luxury buffets, they decided instead to pack as much of the black mineral mud into coffee jars as they could. Indeed a classy pair. It is reported that the mud aids in circulation, lessens the effects of extreme skin disorders and deposits essential minerals in the skin. How fabulous. I lathered my face with it this evening. I shall keep you updated on the results. I am sure you are on the edge of your seat, dying with anticipation. Below is the Kenco jar which looks like it has been filled with rather squishy turds. Underneath is me with mineral mud on face. I would consider myself to not be a squishy turd.

Update- my skin didn't like the mud. And before any of you smartasses point out you shouldn't put it on your face, may I point out that the Dead Sea Spa ladies ( they do exist), assured my mother that it is safe. However, in the hours since, my skin has turned red and is rather itchy. Plus the removal of all the toxins has caused a spot outbreak on my chin. Mutter.

2007-04-01T01:42:00.000+01:00

I am so tired I have gone beyond being tired. I cannot sleep and am running on nervous energy. I have cleared up my Sunday for sleep. I may squeeze in a little nod to daylight. No promises.

2007-03-19T23:17:00.000Z

Just A Spoonful of Sugar..

There are 8 teaspoons of sugar in a single 330ml can of Coca Cola sold in Ireland and Great Britain.

Not sure if Americans have it better. They don't have sugar, instead creating dental cavities with High Fructose Corn Syrup.

And people wonder why their teeth are rotting and falling out of their heads. Tsk Tsk

2007-03-19T01:06:00.000Z

The Gee Gees

Even though I tutted tutted at all those crazy people placing ill advised bets on horses last week, Friday saw me cave in. I didn't have any tips or any hunches, instead I spent the morning reviewing the form for all horses in the Gold Cup and decided that seeing as the favourite was a guarannted winner, ( with silly short odds), there was no point in putting my €10 on him. Instead, i went for an each way bet on Exotic Dancer, (see above), sent the facilities guy to the bookies on his lunch break, huddled around the radio at 3.30 and nearly peed my pants when he came in second. I had wisely placed an each way bet, ensuring some return on my bet. While my winnings were small, nothing could wipe the Cheshire Cat like grin off my face. I am beginning to understand the addictive side to gambling

2007-03-19T01:04:00.000Z

2007-03-15T23:16:00.000Z

I should NOT be allowed anywhere near a store anymore. Really. I went into town on my lunch break to mail a letter and like a moth to a flame was drawn into the Debenhams 25% sale. In I went, a woman on a misson and emerged 10 minutes later weighed down with half the cosmetic department and my wallet quite a little lighter. It was a shopping blitz, never seen before. I bought stuff I will NEVER use. Granted the shampoo and face wash will come in handy, but the sea salts and cherry bubble bath will take pride of place in the dungeons of my closet. Of course, once I started I couldn't stop and went into a clothing store where I just HAD to buy another pair of linen trousers. The fact that is is bitterly cold and pouring rain each and every day will not deter me in wearing them.

The Cheltenham festival is on this week. The week when people who have never seen a horse in their lives declare themselves racing experts. I have chosen not to indulge in the frenetic betting, but not so for some of the people I work with, if the screams of "Gwanyabloodynag" are anything to go by during race times. Lunch hour sees a mass exodus as they all take off to the local bookies to torment the teller with €1.00 bets from 15 people on the nag that just missed the slaughterhouse by a hoof, but may have a chance according the brother of the cousin of the sister of the neighbour of the girl at the next desk.

Only one more day until Casino Royale is available to buy. Daniel Craig goodness. Yum.

2007-03-12T23:02:00.000Z

Canada

J'arriverai au Canada le 5 mai. Pour honorer la deuxieme langue du Canada j'ecris en francais. Je serai dans les banlieues de Toronto avec mon ami, Ian. Qui sait ce que je ferai! Peut-etre je balayerai les rues. Ce n'est pas reellement drole...........

2007-03-12T19:40:00.000Z

Irish Stew

I have noticed on a few blogs and websites, North Americans discussing the making of Irish stew for St.Patrick's Day. I just so happen to have the definitive Irish Stew recipe and am willing to share.

Ingredients-
Some choice alcohol with Irish bar setting
Lemon
Salt
Cheese and Onion Taytos
Poitin

Utensils -
Neverending supply of glasses ( plastic advisable towards the end of the stew)
Chair with back and arms
Stainless Steel Bowl
Bounty Tissue
Taxi
Money
Lighter
Trained medic

1. Take an average Irish bar, fill to capacity with eager drinkers.
2. Provide pint sized glasses for required numbers
3. To each glass pour one part whiskey to 5 parts Guinness
4. Mix, cool and consume
5. Vigorously shake drinker
6. Once the Guinness-whiskey mix has fermented add one shot of green vodka
7. Allow to settle
8. While drinker is settling prepare one shot of black zambuca with flame ( glass optional, drinkers open mouth preferred)
9. Pour shot into open mouth, ignite, heat and swallow. Cheers encouraged.
10. Allow drinker to cool.
11. An optional spicy addition for the caliente lovers is one shot of finest Mexican tequilla.
12. Prepare drinkers arm with highest quality salt, pour shot of tequilla (worm suggested for added nutrients) and finish with a lemon garnish
13. It is suggested at this point to provide a stainless steel bowl for bodily evacuations. Toilet trips forbidden due to potential loss of valuable seat in busy stew.
14. While drinker is simmering, open a packet of finest Irish Taytos, place on a bed of Bounty, garnish with salt and serve
15. Take drinker off the boil and place on chair with back and arms. Cool.
16. Open a large bottle of poitin. Decant
17. Serve repeated shots of said drink until drinker begs for mercy.
18. Repeat steps 3-17 for as long as desired.
19. A side of Taxi optional
20. Trained medic necessary

Result
A delightful blend of alcohol soaked people with a hint of unwanted aromas and a bitter aftertaste.

Traditional Irish Stew is an accquired taste and does come with some unwanted side effects, but nothing a helping of Paracetamol, a bottle of Lucozade and a lie in can't cure

2007-03-05T23:11:00.000Z

Want to buy some Irish Air?

I have to admire the entreprenurial skills of the Irish people. I am so jumping on the bandwagon. I have an endless supply of old jars and glasses. They are in need of filling. I'm off to the West of Ireland. Might not be back for days. But be sure I will come back a wealthy lady.... that or covered in seaweed... or found headfirst in a pool of cockles.

2007-02-27T22:41:00.000Z

The Power of Picasa2

Before

After

Sometimes I amaze myself, but Picasa2 has knocked me out. I am off to doctor just about every picture I have ever taken.

2007-02-27T19:12:00.000Z

I did NOT put that ridiculous header above, but there doesn't appear to be a way to alter it. The above pictures are some of my pictures from Asia. I do have pictures of other places but I haven't been able to locate the wire to load up pictures from the camera. Typical. Browsing through the my spaces and the bebos of complete strangers has its benefits as I managed to get a link to the site that makes my pictures do the collage effect. Whoo hoo!

2007-02-24T18:12:00.000Z

Ladies and Gentlemen,

My preferred drink of celebration is champagne. So please do put some on ice as the Candadian High Commission have granted me a working visa.

Canada here I come.

2007-02-21T17:43:00.000Z

So Sudan Red (yup, the cancer causing dye) has been found in some Asian chili powders. Food for thought for those of those that gorged on denjon jigae. And if ingesting Sudan Red isn't enough for South Koreans to handle, they are now being faced with an increasing suicide rate. It is being blamed on the widening divide between rich and poor. Correct me if I am wrong, but surely it is all to do with their emotionally opressive, indivdualism hating, forced family orientated society. Bah.

On the bus home I came up with a make cash slow scheme. Think about this, people from the age of 14-35 listen to their ipods frequently at alarmingly loud volumes. Therefore, by the time they are 65 (ish), they will have hideous aural abilities and will be in dire need of hearing aids. Anyone who owns or invests in hearing aid companies will be sitting on gold mines and wiping their bottoms with $100 bills. Of course it will only take a mere 30 years to accumulate even one bill to wipe your backside with.