My proposed Lap of the Lake has taken a little step backwards, not due to any laziness, but due to the little chill that I have. I went to see Dr. Software again and he confirmed that I was sick ( durr) and prescribed me a veritable medley of medication. Each morning and evening I am expected to take nine pills per dosage, plus two little teasers at lunch. I fear by Sunday I may have to phone Kate Moss to arrange a support programme.

Today in one of my kindergarten classes, the students and I were discussing the differences between weddings in Korea to those in the West. Throughout the discussion I noticed that the ususal noise machine, Andy, was oddly silent. When I asked him why he wasn't participating, he informed me that weddings were "yucky", kissing was "yucky", girls were "yucky" and that he would only kiss boys. The little sucker wiped the knowing "ah, but wait until you are older" grin off my face, when he grabbed one of the boys in his class and made lip to lip contact with him.

But Korea is a gay free environment...............

I, Eileen O'Brien, of sound mind and body do hereby declare that before, and not after, the end of May 2006, I will complete a full, non-stop run around Susung Lake. It is expected that the intervening months will be full of moaning, complaining, injuries, cuts, bruises, tears ( because the ajumma with the grocery bags ran past me....again)and heartbreak. The run is being made all the more difficult because the only time I can jog is at nighttime and the pavements and jogging areas surrounding the lake are full of more cracks than a builders convention. Therefore, tripping and falling are part of the drill. What fun! Also this is not a piddlin' little pond. It actually is a large(ish) lake...... not marathon distance mind, but a marathon in my mind. I also need to get this done before the intense heat starts to set in here. Portable air conditioning hasn't made it past R&D yet so lets not get me overheated. Ian has just been notified as to my big event and reckons that I will make the distance in 2-3 weeks and that I will probably be lapping myself come May.

I have become a very fussy coffee drinker. If there isn’t the correct level of milk versus coffee versus espresso shot, then I am most unhappy with my purchase. I refuse to purchase coffee from the Korean cafes, as it is more or less similar to upending a bowl of sugar into your mouth, while Seattle’s Best Korean division appears to have been on sick leave the day brand awareness was being discussed. Too long to get into this one, but I am of the opinion that most coffee being marketed these days is done so according to branding, not taste. Therefore, people are not just paying for the taste, but also for the name and the “experience” offered by that name”. Seattle’s Best has been struck from my Daegu Coffee Hotspots list. They are now serving their in house and take out coffees in dodgy white paper cups, office style, with what appears to be the corner of a cardboard box around it, supposedly to prevent your pinkies from being exposed to first degree burns. But seeing as the coffee there only ever reaches the startling heights of tepid, they might as well just do away with the cardboard altogether and save another few won. I was most outraged when I ventured in there a few weeks ago for a sit down coffee only to be thrust a white paper cup with luke warm froth and coffee that barely made it to the half way mar. I, of course, threw a suitable strop. So, I have been forced to turn to Starbucks and what a mixed bag of emotions it has proven to be. The two or three outlets downtown are being run by coffee nazis. Every coffee must be made half an hour ago and well and good if the right blend happens to make it to the correct cup, as long as ze queue keepz movin’ jah!! However, my Starbucks in Jisan is perhaps the best coffee shop in the world. The assorted staff are the happiest staff I have ever encountered, always greeting me with a cheery smile and odd pronunciation of “hello”, while doing all they possibly can to make the best coffee they can. I quite like when the new guy gets his quantities all wrong and I end up having to drink the excess before the lid will fit on the cup. I hope he doesn’t receive anymore training as I feel he is making a sterling effort and needs all the encouragement he can get.

Snort, snort, snorty, snort snort.

I am so irate. I have bought hair straighteners here twice and each time they have proved to be useless. It would be more effective if I put my hair between two pieces of hot toast. I decided that the only thing I could do was convert my hair straighteners from home, which are the be all and the end all of hair straightening. I brought my three pronged plug to work yesterday and I might as well have brought the lost treasures of the Sierra Estrella, such was the fascination shown. Everyone wanted to know what the third prong was for and by casting my mind back to Junior Certificate physics, I mumbled something about it preventing a person being turned to fried bacon of fried human and then claimed stupidity when asked to explain. Afer much inspecting and internet referencing, it was determined that my hair straightners would not be straightening anything. I was not deterred. The school manager got the things thrust at him and was told to work some magic on them. So, he brought them to some electrical store ( I am convinced he brought it to the guy who hides behind the paint shelves when foreigners enter his store), returned an hour later and said it couldn't be done. Now seeing as this is the country that claims there is no such thing as homosexuality I am refusing to give up on this one. If you hear nothing from me in the next few days, it means I bought an adaptor, plugged it on and promptly got hospitalised from the incompability of the three prong with the two prong.
Everyone keeps moaning that the worls is getting too small, globalisation is taking us over and cultures are being wiped away by the need for uniform living. NOT HERE. Why oh why do countries have different voltages and plugs and other electrical oddities. I have the appliance, I have many sockets, all I am missing is a negotiator

Happy New Year to one and all.

As I type, Ian is mashing the better parts of a cow into burger shapes so that we can have a drool inducing meal. If I can still move after considerably increasing my chances of CJD, it is off to town we go for parties and fireworks.

Enjoy and best wishes for 2006!

The following is a synopsis of the Sound of Music by one of my preschool students. These little kids have an amazing oral standard, but when it come to getting those thoughts from their heads to paper, they have a few issues. Each weekend the kids write a diary about their weekend activities and because they are kids, they try to cram everything in their heads onto a single page.

The following youngster made a sterling effort. I have not changed any of his mistakes and note that Koreans have problems saying the “v” sound and so “Von” had a “p” sound to it.

I went to Daegu Opera house.
There were many people.
There was a church.
There was nuns.
They prayed.
Maria go to mountain.
She sang.
She went to church.
Chief nun says “Go to Pontrap’s house”
We had a breaktime for 15 minutes.
We ate hot bar.
There was house
In the house there was seven children.
She went to house.
There was captain.
He said, “You have to respond the children”.
She said, “Do you know how to sing?”
The said “No”.
They learn how to sing.
Captain came.
Children said, “He will merry with new mother”
New mother said, “I will leave this home so he marry her”.
I t was fun!

There you go. A very concise summary, but I do think he may have drifted off at some point during the musical……

I noticed in the news this week that Hwang Woo Suk is up for Muppet of the Year. Seoul National University admitted that his findings were falsified. They have said that they are upset with this news and Korean people have stated they too are disappointed with their so called "National Hero". Disappointed? Were I a member of the Korean Government I would have two little horns popping out the top of my head, complete with insanity induced drooling, such would be the level of my anger. Particularly considering the millions of dollars handed out to Hwang to fund what he insisted was legitimate research. No money back guarantee.

On a lighter note, I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I did. The next day was not so great. Not when idiot here had to go to work after the Christmas Party of all parties. Thanks to Maebh and Ben). For my first class, I was capable only of giggling at the kids and not until I had inhaled a bacon double cheese burger at the Temple of Hope, commonly referred to as “Burger King”, did I feel somewhat ready to greet the remaining anklebiters.

However I got some sweet presents including enough Clinique stuff from Maebh and Sara to ensure I gain some transvestite NBF’s, a Frasier box set from Ian’s Mom and Dad and a Creative Mini from Ian. Ian has installed all the music and set up the play lists. I just listen to it and show it off to everyone who has the ill luck to run into me and is subjected to me showing off said player and my limited mp3 knowledge ( I actually have no idea what I am saying to anyone…esp when referring to gigs… I just copy what Ian says, accompanied with a “knowing-and-don’t-you-dare-question-my-superior-opinion” look. It has the masses fooled

Last night saw temperatures hit -13C. Fabulous. However, what was not so fabulous was the ice on the inside of the bathroom window, nor the ice on the panes of the washing room window or even the icicles that formed on the inside of the bedroom window. Koreans dont believe in insulation. The styrofoam between the walls and and the windows of my school testify to that.

Temperatures increased for a while today, so I decided to finish my Christmas shopping in snowy conditions. It actually felt like Christmas here with snow covered streets, everyone dressed in hats and scarves and the Koreans who seemed to think a blizzard was coming direct from the Himalayas with their ski ensembles.

Christmas shopping is more or less complete at this stage and there are fine amount of presents under the horrendously cheesy tree here. It is a flagship for over tinselling and overlighting. I love it.


In other more fasinating news, the Korean stem-cell researcher, Hwang Woo-Suk, has been accused of falsifying his "pioneering" work. Koreans are not too happy to hear about this, but he is determined to prove his work, despite being bombarded with accusations of carrying out his research in unethical ways and ultimately publishing untrue facts. Generally, Koreans are still supportive of Hwang, with some feeling that the attacks on him are down to jealousy beacause Korea is the leading nation in this field. Sour grapes perhaps

It's snowing and I am ecstatic. The northern part of the country has been battling the elements for the last few weeks and Daegu is finally getting its turn. It started in the early afternoon, and has gradually risen to a decent pelt of snow. However walking home in snow does have its disadvantges, what with getting a little damp and almost getting oneself the position of lead dancer with the Bolshoi Ballet due to some magnificent pirouettes. It's also wonderful to note that when a kids slips on ice, it is seen as "cute", but when an adult foreigner makes a show of themselves, it is comedy on a grand scale. Snort.

Cable and heat have been restored.

The cable was my fault. Had I looked behind the fridge I would have noticed that the cable plug was lying idly behind said fridge. Little sneak was taking an early Christmas holiday.

Heat is back in Ian's apartment. Lovingly restored with a hairdryer.

Korea has reached a new technological high

My cable is out. Not my fault. If the cable company bothered to send me any bills, or even a bill to the correct address, I might not be so outraged at the moment

Ian's heating is gone. It has been out since Saturday night and there hasn't been sign nor light of the repair man, who swore blind he was going to turn up at Ian's apartment between 10pm and 12am... we should have taken those blatant lies as a hint, seeing as the inconsiderate oaf never showed up. I really would like him to arrive soon seeing as the water that is coming from the sink and shower is ice cold, therefore in -10 celsuis weather we are getting tonight, it is a win win situation for pipes that are in the mood for freezing and, if they are feeling a little on the wild side,they could also fit in a quick bursting session.

Apparently the boiler repair men are being very overworked this season what with the weather being cold and all that. Why? Didn't they see it coming?!?!?!?! Winter is Winter is Winter here. It means sub-zero temperatures. It means ice cold weather. It means very god damn person in the country is going to turn on their heating, so why they are mystified by the sudden onslaught of broken down heaters defies me.

I must go teach some children in a building that doesn't have any burst pipes.

Oooohhh, that Mr.Clarkson.


You know you are the epitome of laziness when you wake up in the morning with all your clothes still on after having spent the previous night just watching tv. I had great intentions to get up after the third episode of Top Gear to change, but that wise cracking Jeremy Clarkson had me spellbound.... so spellbound in fact that he lulled me into a deep, fully clothed sleep.

Allo Allo!


Went to see Wallace and Gromit with Ian tonight. Very funny. The most amusing part for me was seeing Wallace reading "Ay-Op!", complete with the red and white lettering, bearing all too familiar a resemblance to good ol', "Hello". Why I snorted with laughter. Unfortunately, the whole joke shot Concorde style, (pre exploding in the sky incident), over the Canadian's head.

Oh deer........

A new store has opened near my school. This little store sells flowers and antiques. Odd combination, but this is Korea after all. However, it is the name of the store that has provided the most entertainment.

"Flowers and Entics".



Sigh.

Durr.

This month a Census is being conducted. This evening Census lady turned up at the door. I have no idea what I told her. It was one of those wonderful experiences where one is faced with a Korean only speaker and a Korean only form. It resulted in me phoning Maebh employing her as my translator. The first part of the form may be filled out correctly, but the second part is a complete mystery to me. At the end of the ordeal Census lady and I peered at the form, glanced at each other and agreed that there was no way this thing was appropriately filled out. So I send her off with a post it note with my name and number and a little note telling the nice Census people that, in all likelihood, the information on the form is gobildigook and that someone in management really ought to ring me so I am not classified as an illegal unemployed immigrant.

Today I was returning from lunch when I bumped into one of the teachers from my school. She was carrying a book and soft toy she had just bought for her little daughter who is 3 years old. She noticed me looking at it and so explained the book and toy. And oh my god, it proved how different Western culture is to Korean culture. The soft toy is a little mole with toy poo on its head and the accompanying book tells the story of the little mole rambling around his local farm trying to discover who it was that pooed on his head. Now instead of the mole asking the other farm animals if it was them that pooed oh him and accept their negative responses, he demands that they all produce a "sample". So through illustrations, we see the pig, the cow, the horse and their other animal friends pooing for the mole and he compares that on his head to that on the ground.

This is deemed suitable entertainment for a 3-year-old................

At the school where I work, the preschoolers are taught English, Korean and Chinese. A prospective student visited the school this week and while he toddler waddled his way around the entrance hall, wide-eyed with mischief, his Mom chatted with the Head Teacher about the teaching curriculum. She was very inquisitive about the teaching methods, in particular for English, as Koreans believe English is the most important foreign language to force feed down their 4 year olds throats. However, upon perusing the syllabus she was a little upset to notice that Chinese was part of the curriculm. She demanded to know why it was a featured subject, whereupon the Head Teacher informed her that the school believed Chinese ( not sure what regional group is taught) to be just as important for children to learn as English. She pooh poohed the idea saying, "Nonsense, Chinese is only a trend at the moment". That's right. And I am quite sure the 1.3 billion Chinese speakers in the world whole heartedly agree with you.

Boring Boring Daegu

Whenever I go to Seoul for a weekend I am always depressed at the thoughts of returning to Daegu. Not that Daegu is a bad spot but Seoul has so much more to tantalise the senses.Over the weekend, Ian, Maebh, Sara and I ventured to Seoul with Don and had a right rollicking good time. We stayed in our usual haunt, Sinchon, foamed at the mouth in Bandi and Lunis ( the seizure inducing treasure trove bookstore), delighted in the amazing shopping stores and had a wide array of restaurants and bars to choose from. We also met up with an old friend, Simon and his fiancee, Naire ( Congratulations and celebrations..la la la la).

So on Saturday took the KTX to Seoul and decided to immediately find a place to stay as Don was rather mule like with his great big rucksack. So, like a sherpa, I guided everyone (the usual sherpa Maebh was off duty until later that night), to Sinchon to stay at our regular motel. Imagine the gut wrenching pain when we turned that fateful corner to discover that our little gem in the city had turned into a scaffolding nightmare. All I was capable of doing was huffing and puffing at the mess. However, we managed to find another place and it really was a bit of a downgrade. But beggars cant be choosers and I do think Sara and Maebh became rather attached to the hair of a hooker that was running all down one side of the bed in their room. From the angle of the hair I took it to mean that her and her lucky little customer were trying a rather unusual position.

After settling in, otherwise known as tearing the contents of my bag onto the floor looking for my sweater due to the Arctic conditions in Seoul, we headed for Bandi and Lunis. People who have read this blog before will know of my love for this bookstore. I am sure this is lost on people in Ireland who have Waterstones etc at their fingertips, but for us that are deprived of a wide selection of English language books, Bandi and Lunis is the Holy Grail. Not a sound was uttered between us as we curled our way through the rows looking for reading material,apart from the occassional grunt of pleasure or fart of joy. After successful purchases we had a few drinks and some food and then waited for Simon to come from Jamsil and Maebh from Daegu. Following their arrival, the night degenerated into an alcohol fuelled frenzy at a bar that had a little dog who had the unfortunate luck to be mauled to death by me and barmen that kept giving us free drinks. I am not quite sure what their rational behind all their free drinks was, but they were a little disgruntled that we stayed so late ( yes, apparently leaving an establishment at 7am is considered inappropriate).

So the next day was not a pretty sight. Don, Ian and I tried to make it to the super mall in Southern Seoul, a mere 23 subway stops, but a general feeling of unwellness resulted in us turning back after 5 stops.

And so back to Daegu we went. Returning here after the brights lights in Seoul ( in fact I really am convinced that the neon in Seoul is brighter than the neon in Daegu), always seems like such a let down. There is so much variety in the capital, koreans don't stare and point at us like lepers, nor is their the conservative attitude of the Daeguites. Daegu is recognised as one of the most conservative cities in Korea and so being exposed to devil may care attitude is so refreshing. But then again, nowhere else is it more amusing it see the looks of horror on the faces of the older generation when Ian and I kiss on the street than in Daegu.

ha ha.

So I was at a house party on Saturday night. A young man whose nationality will remain anonymous was chatting with Maebh and I. The conversation took this unfortunate turn

Him- "So where are you from?"

Me- "Ireland".

Him- "Really??"

Me- "Yeah, yeah".

Him- "Do you know Jimmy?"


I think enough has been said on the matter

Dear Lord. For those of you living in Ireland count your lucky stars that there is a distinct lack of cockroaches there. The nightmare with these bugs is neverending. I got my new apartment this week and have to stay that I was rather pleased with it. It looked clean, had nice warm wall paper, ( as opposed to the blue freezer like number in my former hovel)and overall appealed to my senses. However, the school went against my wishes and moved everything from my old place to my new place. My original intention had been to disinfect everything before I moved anything to my new place so roaches would not travel with me, but apparently prevention is an alien concept to these people as the movers hauled every last item to the new apartment. Today was the first day I had free to sort out everything in my new place and was very pleased to have the help of Ian and our new teacher Maryanne. However in the cleaning process I discovered that there are ants in the apartment, the sink is attached to the drain pipe with duck tape and there were roaches in the tv unit brought from my old apartment. Ants are easily gotten rid of here, the school can sort the sink ( although I am completely lost for words as to how remedial owners of property are here...you'd figure maintaining apartments instead of letting them degenerate into inhabitable slums would be top of their owner agenda), but I am furious that roaches may have been brought to my new place. I think Ian may have a permanent guest in me. My sink is a complete joke though. Who in the hell thought duck tape would hold a sink in and prevent water from running into the closet and all over my new floor. Although, at this point I would to thank the creators of Dettol as their wonderful product succesfully disinfected all my plates and cutlery and gave them a dishwasher sheen.
Also because I am in a one room unit there isn't a laundry area. So, my washing machine has been decked out in true Knocknaheeny style..... it is currently sitting on bricks in my apartment.Yes. You read correctly. Bricks. The school caretaker had to place it near the bathroom door and so placed it on bricks and thoughtfully wrapped said bricks in tin foil. I don't understand the rationality behind that particular move. However, the story gets better. On Thursday I stood in front of the machine and could not for the life of me work out where the water supply for the washing machine would come from. The school caretaker appeared, I asked him how the machine would function and the poor guy looked at me as if I had ten heads. In his limited English he explained with the aid of demonstrations that I would have to drag tubing from the machine to the bathroom where the tubes would connect with taps in the bathroom and the draintube would have to be rested over the shower drain to filter out dirty water.


I think they have it better in Ballymun